Forget your Gerard Butler musical nonsense and your slightly dodgy Dario Argento slasher from the late 80's, (no, not TERROR AT THE OPERA, which I adore....the other one, with that fucker from WARLOCK), this top notch little production from the studio that dripped blood, is a feast for the eyes, the ears and, well, maybe not the brain, but who gives a shit..its Hammer.
That means gloriously over the top music, performances that scream brilliance and set design that never betrays the tiny budgets these horror classics were made on. It look sumptuous, as do the vast majority of Hammer's output, and its filmed in seriously glorious Technicolour. This one may be considered a lesser entry in the Hammer canon, not least of all because its sadly bereft of Cushing and /or Lee, but alongside Cheney's take on the classic character, this is perhaps the best of the batch. There are busty babes, lavish period atmosphere and a creepy-as-hell 'Phantom', so bin your girlfriends sappy lovey-dovey musical, and take a trip to Technicolour town with one of Hammer's timeless cinematic endeavours...and fuck Gerard Butler.
I first came across THE PROWLER when I was a little kid. I remember seeing this one-sheet, (in VHS cover form) in our local video store, and being thoroughly freaked out by it. Of course, I was around 7 or 8 and so didn't see the actual film till later....much later as it happens.
I finally got my bloody mitts on this underrated slasher sometime around 2009, and it proved worth the wait for a number of reasons. The first and foremost being the effects work by none other than Tom Savini. The kills in this thing are among the most brutal of the slasher's golden era, and still hold up today as some prime nasty shit. Its a violent little bitch of a film, folks.
The second reason to give this film some eye-time is the killer himself. He's a fearsome looking bastard with his WWII fatigues and his prediliction for sharp objects.
The third, is the films atmosphere. It's a genuinely creepy little movie that, while slow in parts, has a real 80's flavor to it that's hard to resist.
Anyway, you came here not to read, but to view. So I'll shut the fuck up, and you can kick back and enjoy...have fun...
Remember those halcyon days of the late nineties, when survival horror was a real force to be reckoned with? Titles like SILENT HILL, RESIDENT EVIL and FATAL FRAME topped the charts and injected some much needed terror into our home-consoles, and our fave genre found itself a whole new playground in which to smear its bloody fingerprints. Parents the world over found their wallets a little less light as their utility bills, (namely electricity), seemed to drop in their favor, as kids all over the globe dimmed the lights, popped on the headphones, and scared themselves shitless in the name of gaming. Good days...great days, actually. I miss 'em, and I bet you do too, (if you were actually around at the time).
Well, I have a wee treat for you tonight that may just help you relive some of that yesteryear magic. I came across a full walk-through of the original RESIDENT EVIL title, with each and every moment of the game captured in its entirety. Sure, its not the same as playing it yourself, but its getting harder and harder to get your hands on this classic of old, and I don't know about you lot, but I jumped at the chance to sit through this grand old game-changer again. The sights, the sounds, the music...the terrible, terrible voice-acting...its like reuniting with a dear old friend, long lost but never forgotten.
Equally satisfying is just how cinematic the whole thing feels. Watching the game being played through, smoothly and in a timely fashion, it really shines as a creepy, genuinly atmospheric and well told story, albeit one with acting that could give TWILIGHT a run for its money.
So here it is...the original and arguably the best RESIDENT EVIL. The game that freaked out a generation, and single-handedly cemented 'Survival Horror' in gaming culture consciousness. It spawned an unending series of hyper-shitty movies, and the game series has strayed from true horror in its ensuing years, but we can't hold that against it. 'RESI EVIL', (as many of us console-kids affectionately renamed it), is a classic, and deserves all our love and admiration. I hope you enjoy this trip down a particularly dark memory lane as much as I did.
Hotel Management.
Authors note : This walk-through is Chris' story. Jill's is readily available for any of you guys enthused enough to want more.
Hi folks...Hotel Management here with a long overdue return to the Horror Hotel Cinema...
Tonight, we're going for something a little different. In place of the usual B-Movies, J-Horror and Cult Classics; tonights show will consist of what, if I remember correctly, was a two-part TV show that aired around nine years ago in the UK.
At that time, a vote was taken to try and discover what Britain considered the scariest moments in television and cinema history. The results were often surprising, hugely nostalgic, and served to remind many viewers, (myself included), of some of the moments that chilled our souls as kids in the 80's and beyond. For many, I'm sure it was an educational experience also. I personally have the entire QUATERMASS series sat proudly atop my DVD collection, and I'm not sure it would be there were I to have missed this thing. It ranks among my fave box-sets, and I had never even heard about this legendary, (and still terrifying), BBC serial until I slapped my eyeballs on what you'll find below.
So, settle back for a long, fun-filled trip down memory lane with a look at the 100 SCARIEST MOMENTS, as voted for by the UK. Your in for a real treat, and you'll be meeting a whole host of familiar fiends, including Myers, Kruger, Mrs Voorhees, Sadako, Pinhead and many more. Not to mention it'll make for brilliant debate fodder among you and your more geekish buddies.
Well, not quite, though this quaint and atmospheric little chiller is set in the remote Scottish Highlands, I'm purdy sure it wasn't filmed there. This is studio bound as they come, folks. And you all know what that means.....fog, great lighting, picturesque as hell, and Gothic as all get out. Good times, old chaps!
The plot revolves around a dashing Scotsman, played by the ever excellent Richard Carlson, (THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE), who is heir to a spooky Scottish castle, and breaks off his engagement to some hot 50's dame to return to the family estate after learning his uncle has went to the big caber-tossing competition in the sky. Said ladyfriend doesn;t hear from the fella in weeks, and decides to go investigate the situation for herself. Soon, she's up to her flapjacks in misty mountains, crumbling castles, aging actors and macabre mazes. And you, the audience, are in for a fun, old-timey ride.
Admittedly, its a little slow to get going, but Carlson holds the interest with a fine performance, and when the action does shift to my bonnie home-world, things pick up pretty quickly. Its a spooky, atmospheric work, and it has a very entertaining and worthwhile finale. And yes, that means its ridiculous and features a cheap, rubber beastie!
I've been reading a novel by Robert McCammon this past week, called BOYS LIFE. It's an exceptional book that details with pinpoint accuracy the bittersweet endurance test that is 'coming of age'. I can't recommend the book to you folks enough. It really is beautiful to behold. Anyway, this ain't about that, this is about this...
There's a chapter in the book in which two of its young heroes attend a local cinema where, along with their peers, they are terrified out of their minds by a film that plays on the most dreaded of childhood fears...the mistrust of our parents. The book goes into the film in great detail, and it really did set a fire under my ass to revisit this age-old classic and see if it stands the test of time. I did, and it does.
Classic science-fiction, 50's paranoia, a kid in fear of his family, and a hell of a fine time at the Hotel Cinema. Kick back, hop in yer time machine, and prepare yourself for...INVADERS FROM MARS!
Its beautiful here in Scotland at the moment, and as that's something that happens as often as a politician telling the truth, I figured I'd post the first of this months classic cult movies, THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON.
I first came across this movie fifteen years ago, while reading a coffee-table book on Cult Horror. The article, and in fact, the book, were sub-par, but there was a picture of the films protagonist in there in full costume and make-up, standing under the rays of the burning sun in all his hideous, lizard-like glory. Looked cool, but what really sold it was the piss-stain on his pants. Now that's attention to detail right there!
Here's the picture, folks. Classic cinema...
There's little more need be said. Its got a sun demon, he's hideous, and he has some wicked pants, (though shorts would be far better in that burny old sun). Its time you watched it already.....
Everywhere you turn these days there are lunatics eating peoples faces, chem-trails blazing through the skies spraying us with God knows what, and the constant threat of chemical weapons being used on us by faceless unknowns, (most likely our own Governments).
You can't surf a news site without running into some zombie-like craziness. Hell, the internet is alive with talk of teh coming apocalypse! Time to study up, kids. Get your shit together and prepare for the coming Hell-on-Earth.
Me, I learned all I need to know from George Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD. While these undead bastards are eating my friends and neighbours, I'll be holed up in a shopping mall, armed to the teeth with Jack Daniels, Sub-Machine Guns and Xbox 360 games. Step into my mall, living or undead...I'll blow your fucking head off.
For the rest of you, this documentary should help you get up to speed on your survival skills. Learn the history of Horror cinema's most enduring monsters; their weakness', motives and machinations.
Meet Jonathan Maberry....writer of some of the greatest zombie fiction ever written in his Benny Imura Saga,, (reviews of first two books here). Meet George Romero, creator of the...ah hell, you know who he is already. Meet some random chinese badass whose more than happy to teach you how to ruin a zombies day with a variety of household items.
And if all that aint enough, you'll also get to learn about the genesis of the zombie myths from a plethora of cultures! Does it get any better? No...no, its doesnt.
I like to mix it up in the 'Hotel Cinema'. We all love some cheese in our diets, and there's little in life as fun as a good B-movie that misses every single target it aims for; but equally, there's little as satisfying as discovering a long-forgotten gem that's been buried by the sands of time.
I cam across NIGHT OF THE EAGLE by accident, sometime last year. I was researching the history of one of my all-time favorite films, NIGHT OF THE DEMON, when a link led me to this baby. Its reputation preceded it, so I had to have a look. I'm very glad I did.
While its not in the same league as Tournier's masterpiece, (in my mind), its still a very powerful and chilling work, that's as effective today as I'm sure it was on release. It deals with similar themes of witchcraft, black magic and the dark side of the supernatural, yet has a pretty darn original storyline that's all its own.
The atmosphere is fog-thick, and the sense of unease that grabs you as the tale unfolds is palpable. One thing though...any arachnophobic kids out there, (such as myself), had best steel themselves for a few nasty surprises. The first half of the film boasts a few eight-legged frights that almost made me turn it off. Get past that though, and you have a wonderful, lost gem that puts today's supernatural horror movies to shame.
The plot deals with a man who finds out his loving, devoted wife is actually a practicing witch; and on learning this, he sets that lady straight and has her turn away from all that voodoo nonsense. Bad idea, chum. Bad idea.
Dim the lights, fill the kids with Whiskey and throw them to bed, and get your ass seated for a classic.
While watching THE GIANT CLAW, fire back a shot of Scotch (or any other spirit of your choice. I aint fussy), every time someone in the movie refers to the huge-ass monster birdie as being/looking/acting like 'a Battleship'....
I guarantee by the end of the film you'll either be in hospital for alcohol poisoning, dead, or signing up for the twelve steps to addiction recovery and finding Jesus.
How anyone could refer to this big ugly flying bastard of the skies as a 'Battleship' is beyond me. No amount of self medication could ever reshape this monstrosity to look like a damned boat. I dont care how much acid you ingest before viewing.
Theres a good chance that the writers pulled that description out their collective asses on seeing the design of the beast. Its among the most ridiculous, demented looking creatures ever to grace the silver screen, folks.
Any brits our there who remember Emu, the much despised kids character from the 80's will feel a familiar sense of foreboding on viewing this monstrosity. Is it the crappiest beast of all time? Maybe. You'll be hard pressed to find a stranger creation anyplace, anytime, ever.
Just watch it already, and keep telling yourself....its only a movie, only a movie, ONLY A MOVIE!!!!!!
I'm not gonna ramble on about the film this documentary covers. There's nothing more needs ever be said about John Carpenters classic shocker by me nor anyone else. We all know its as damned near perfection as cinema gets. We all know its the perfect encapsulation of our most cherished day/night of the year. We all know Rob Zombie is an imbecile, (well, most of us do, I assume....).
Its the film that shaped our childhoods, and informed our adult cinematic minds. It lives inside us all, and it never, ever gets old.
Something a little different for your viewing tonight, folks.
Question : What do you get when you combine the wonderfully dark origins of Vlad the Impaler/ Dracula, and one of the few undisputed kings of classic horror? What you get is an hour of sheer, uncut awesome; a history lesson delivered with that brilliant wit, insight, gentle humor and spooky camp that is so unmistakably Mr Price.
In truth, I could listen to the man read a grocery list and still be grinning like a fool, so having the rich history of Dracula, from factual figure to literary horror, and all the way to silver screen icon; is one hell of treat. I'm sure most of you will agree.
Somewhat surprisingly, the documentary doesn't skimp on the violent, grim wordplay while charting the rise of the infamous Vlad. As was so often the case, Vincent has his tongue firmly in cheek, yet theres some dark material here to get your teeth into, (pun, sadly, intended). As things progress, you'll be treated also to some nice snippets from classic cinema, including some real rarities that are all but forgotten, (though still loved by some). It's wonderful to see scenes from the Hitchcock inspired, RETURN OF DRACULA sharing screen-time with the usual suspects. These little moments of care and attention really help the whole show go down smooth, (aided in no small part by Mr Price's velvet tones). The whole thing is just a delight.
So, with no further nonsense from me, I ask you to join me in a toast. To Vincent......we will remember you, always, old friend.
For most of you guys, this stone cold classic will need no introduction. The word 'Phantasm' has become synonymous with flying silver balls that drill through the brain, eerie crematoriums and, of course, the frightening image of 'The Tall Man'. A character that's every bit as beloved and respected in the annals of horror cinema as Jason, Myers, Freddy et all.
This here, the first of the four films in the series, is arguably the finest also, (some do prefer the more action oriented sequel). It kick started Don Coscarelli's career, and marked him out as a bold and original talent in the horror field. By blending science fiction and horror in such a surreal and nightmarish manner, he broke all the rules, and gave the herb-clouded year of 1979 one of its truly classic works.
Thought provoking, creepy, and down right fucking weird; PHANTASM stands tall (pun intended), as an ingenuous, loopy trip into uncharted, bonkers territory, and its a great now as it was then. How could it not be? It has flying death-balls, compressed undead humans, parallel dimensions, a scary as hell big tall bastard, and a completely unnecessary acoustic jamming scene with an ice-cream man and a Han-solo lookialike. Its the late 70's, man. Get down on it.
It's Valentines Day. And what better gift for Hotel Management to give you lovebirds, than some old-school, ghostly goings on, that'll have you holding each other close in the small hours of the night? For tonight's midnight show, we would like to introduce, or at least re-acquaint you, with the pant-soilingly scary, and altogether excellent SHUTTER.
Before you start sending the hate mail, and hand your ticket, (and lube) back, let me take a moment to assure you that you are NOT about to suffer through some poorly scripted, terribly acted, artless, gormless and utterly shallow piece of celluloid trash that couldn't scare a fucking cat on acid. No....this is the original SHUTTER. You know, the good one, the one with potent themes of Karma, guilt and retribution? Yeah, that one. Not the bastardised-beyond-all-Thunderdome remake that burned eyes and minds in the states a few years later, and forever tarnished the originals legacy.
Hi kids, it's Hotel Management here, with the return of the sometime dormant, in-house cinema. And in lieu of my recent review of WHITECHAPEL, today's little number is a real treat for any Jack the Ripper fans, (I'm loathe to call us 'fans', as its not like we cheer on the murder of prostitutes. Lets just call us Ripper Aficionados. Yeah, that'll do....).
This little ditty will also be of interest to anyone and everyone who has a taste for the grand Universal Classics that helped kick off our favourite genre, as it features the mighty Boris Karloff, as narrator. In fact, he narrated all ten episodes of this little known and delightfully old school Horror anthology. In a sense, old Boris was a blueprint for the crypt-keeper. Its worth watching for historical reasons alone, friendos! The short-lived show was titled, THE VEIL, and this episode goes by the name of.....you ready? JACK THE RIPPER. Shocking, I know, at least a little more thought went into the plot than the title.....
Every self respecting Horror lover appreciates a scarecrow themed Horror film....
So for this weeks show, I have an absolute stunner for you. DARK NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW was originally made for TV, and while its roots were humble, its developed something of a cult following over the last few decades, and for many, is the last word in 'scarecrow horror'.
Its a genuinely eerie work. A haunting story that will stay with you, and it boasts perhaps the creepiest damn scarecrow ever put on screen. If you haven't seen this little known masterpiece, your in for a good time, folks. Scarecrows are a sparsity in Horror, sadly. I've never understood why, as for me, theres something fundamentally frightening about those silent figures, deep within the corn-rows, lifeless and poised. They freak me out, man. Ever patient sentinels waiting to strike the unaware.
The Horror Hotel Cinema has yet another rare classic for your viewing pleasure, tonight. This one only runs at an hour long, as it is, in fact, part of a TV spin-off venture that the fabled Hammer Studio's partook of, in the last leg of their saga. The series was called, HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR, and was a hugely successful, if short-lived, set of mini-movies, dealing in a variety of Horror's; (demons, occultism and haunted houses, among others), each one with a different cast, writers and director. It was very much the MASTERS OF HORROR of its time.
I'm unsure what impact the show had on the rest of the world, but in the UK it was a big hit, and has taken its rightful place in the public consciousness, spanning two generations. Its a fine show, with some fine acting, not least in THE SILENT SCREAM...
Well, Halloween may be over and the decorations taken down, but it's ALWAYS Halloween in the Horror Hotel, and I aim to replace those plastic spiders with some real ones...
Tonight's Horror-show is, well, to be honest, a film I haven't properly seen all the way through. Anyone who read my editorial 'The Arachnaphobic Five', will know that I'm rarely able to handle movies featuring my mortal enemies. Those creepy crawly bastards and I have little love for each other, and the last thing my psyche needs is a dose of arachnid Horror.
Tonights show is a rare treat, from the Hammer House of Horror, straight to your homes...
It's not a particularly well known work in the pantheon of classics. In fact, its actually one of the studios less revered works and its often overlooked even by fans of its genius director, the late great Terrence Fisher. Poor fools...
My relationship with THE GORGON is a long and strange one, that features psychedelic drugs, late night terrors, bad trips and 'coming of age' nonsense that I like to think is on a par with STAND BY ME, (its not). You can read about all that mess in my review of the movie, right here. So I wont waste your time babbling about my less than illustrious past just before the show starts.
