Review : The Walking Dead - Season 3 Episode 9 - The Suicide King

It's been a long bleak winter, man...I'm amazed we survived it.

Watching the mid-season finale was a double-edged sword for all of us, wasn't it? Sure it was every bit as awesome as we hoped it would be, and it left us hanging on the wire in a most merciless manner, but damn...Soon as the episode ended, (well, perhaps a few hours later), and the heart started pumping at a rate less concurrent to fatality, we all felt the inevitable post high come-down, and what a fall it was.

As good old 'Ned Stark of Westeros' would say....'Brace yourself....winter is coming'

As Christmas and its merry corporate sponsors circled the waggon's to relieve us of our hard earned cash, buying bullshit we couldn't afford for our kids who didn't deserve it...we waited...

As relatives long lost (usually for good reason), arose from the murk of the past to drink all our most expensive booze and eat all our overcooked and undervalued food...we waited...

As Nicky Minaj's unfathomable fame continued on its gruesome ascent, unabated...we waited.

And then came the real kicker, as the stupefying news reached the net that show-runner, Glen Mazzara, (the man who dragged our favourite series up by the scruff of its neck, slapped it about, and made it the vicious, unrelenting beast it was always meant to be), was to be replaced in Season 4, and AMC  shattered much of the goodwill and yes, positive feedback, garnered by a man who truly cared about his work and the show he was running. Still, beaten and bloodied...we waited....

Yet, as good old 'Kyle Scott of The Horror Hotel' would say, 'Calm yourselves....the spring is coming'

Finally, and after so much heartache, alcohol poisoning and drug-addiction, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The universe has decided to throw us a frickin' bone, and make Sundays a day to rejoice in the glory of all that is good once more...THE WALKING DEAD IS BACK!

Yep, put down your suicide kit and throw away the dirty needles...you won;t be needing them anymore. The stellar Season 3 of the most visceral, unnerving and downright brilliant horror series of all time is once again with us. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, its been far, far too long.

Welcome back, old friend, welcome back....

SPOILERS AHEAD - IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED YET, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Or should I say, 'friends', because that's what picking back up with 'The Suicide King' feels like...a long overdue reunion, albeit one seeped in misery and violence. We've all grown to love these characters, and under Mazzara's tutelage, there's not one member of Rik's group who's expendable. The loss is felt every time we see one go, and its to Mazzara's credit that his merciless pursuit of the perfect TV thriller has suffered so many casualties. No one is safe.

Episode 9 kicks off in whats now the shows default setting...'hit the fucking ground running'. Its an action-packed, heart in the mouth scene that picks up right where the mid-season finale left us so tortuously hanging...Daryl and Merle are about to square off....

The scene is indicative of what this season has stood for...razor sharp writing and action that serves to deepen the characters, and enrich the story being told.

When last we saw The Governor, he had just suffered through perhaps the most shockingly brutal brawl in terrestrial history, with the equally vicious yet far less insane, (I think), Michonne. He lost an eye in that battle, but he lost a whole lot more besides. With the 'second' death of his beloved daughter, the ever-loosening grasp he had on any sort of empathy or humanity has been brutally and tragically shorn away, and as we watch his gleeful emergence through the smoke during this episodes opening battle, it's immediately clear that the toll this new world has demanded is finally, fully being paid. He was never a beacon of sanity, but now, he's crossed even more lines. It seems like his desire to control his people and his environment is being replaced rapidly with a hatred for them; one that's long since been buried under a potent concoction of self-delusion and a fathers desperate love. With his eye now gone and the famous patch surely on the way, The Governors emotional descent is beginning to be matched by his physicality. The scars are on the surface now, for all to see, both literally and metaphorically, and it looks like we'll be seeing just how deep they run very soon.

Even more disturbing is Rik's parallel journey into madness. I've often stated that the two characters mirror each other almost perfectly, with the only real differences, being that Rik's great losses came later than Phillips, and that his morality is more deeply engrained. Though now the rot is now fully setting in, the lines are becoming even more blurred between these men. There are some scenes late in this episode that really hit home just how far Rik's mental health has deteriorated. The final moments are, in a show that's no stranger to heartbreak and misery, among its most painful and affecting so far. As we watch Rik completely lose his grasp on reality in front of his full group, including his son, the shows sense of tragedy reaches perhaps a new plateau. His breakdown is all the more excruciating as its brought on by a recurrence of the situation that led to his wife's death. He's had no time to grieve or to find balance, and the losses just keep coming. And now, with the imminent approach of The Governor and his cult, it's not looking like he'll be getting any R&R anytime soon.

More tears are shed this week as Daryl faces an impossible situation, and makes the choice to leave the group rather than leave his older brother behind. Its a frustrating choice, but its the only one a man like Daryl could make. The effect it has on Rik is very telling too, as it's clear he's come to truly rely on the man as a friend and as his strongest ally. It'll be very interesting to see where this story arc goes. Our characters are dropping like flies, either to death, despair or madness. Hell, even the normally collected and docile Glen seems to be reaching his limit with the madness this rotting world has brought in its wake. These people are the walking dead, indeed.

In fact, its the women who are holding things together with the most success at this point. Be it Andrea's reconciling of a damaged and traumatised Woodbury, or Carol's painful yet philosophical approach to Daryl's departure, or even Suzie's nurturing of Rik's new born daughter...the female of the species seem to be coping with the horrors that surround them with wits, intellect and no shortage of understanding of whats important in the dying world. Its a subtle but much welcome change from the women of Season 2, and again, credit goes to Mazzara and the writers for giving the girls some real substance and merit in this tale. (Tyrells wife, though I haven't caught her name yet, seems like another capable, strong and grounded women that will only further elevate the show).

The goodies don't end there, though. If you thought that insanity, power struggles, heartbreak and sorrow weren't enough, we now have yet more dilemma's to deal with...

A third group of survivors, introduced in Ep.8 but now taking centre stage as vital and important players in our bleak tale. Their leader, Tyrell, is an instantly likable and identifiable character, as is his wife. They're moral code is yet to be broken down. Even when faced with an opportunity to improve their less-than-promising situation by use of force, they elect to fore-go this potentially life-saving choice...they choose to trust to human decency.

Sadly, its an choice that doesn't pay off, as Rik's capacity for trust in his species has all but died. And that's where this fantastic episode leaves us hanging. Rik's losing his groups faith, he's publicly shown the true extent of the damage the new world has wrought on his mind and soul, and he's cast good people out into the cold, dead night.

As an opener, you couldn't ask for more. THE WALKING DEAD continues its astonishing ascent to legendary greatness, and we still have seven episodes left. Sadly, as you sit in front of the box with your heart racing and your emotions roiling, you can't help but worry for the shows future. I'm sure things will work out fine, but it stings to think that the fella who handed all the naysayers their asses with this stellar season, will not be returning for Season 4. For these remaining episodes, though, THE WALKING DEAD is in the safest hands possible. The same can't be said for it's gallery of wonderful, tragic characters, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Mazzara and this show were made for each other.

No score needed, as usual... you all know it gets the highest rating.

Horror Hotel Cinema - Resident Evil - The Game (1996)

Remember those halcyon days of the late nineties, when survival horror was a real force to be reckoned with?  Titles like SILENT HILL, RESIDENT EVIL and FATAL FRAME topped the charts and injected some much needed terror into our home-consoles, and our fave genre found itself a whole new playground in which to smear its bloody fingerprints. Parents the world over found their wallets a little less light as their utility bills, (namely electricity), seemed to drop in their favor, as kids all over the globe dimmed the lights, popped on the headphones, and scared themselves shitless in the name of gaming. Good days...great days, actually. I miss 'em, and I bet you do too, (if you were actually around at the time).

Well, I have a wee treat for you tonight that may just help you relive some of that yesteryear magic. I came across a full walk-through of the original RESIDENT EVIL title, with each and every moment of the game captured in its entirety. Sure, its not the same as playing it yourself, but its getting harder and harder to get your hands on this classic of old, and I don't know about you lot, but I jumped at the chance to sit through this grand old game-changer again. The sights, the sounds, the music...the terrible, terrible voice-acting...its like reuniting with a dear old friend, long lost but never forgotten.

Equally satisfying is just how cinematic the whole thing feels. Watching the game being played through, smoothly and in a timely fashion, it really shines as a creepy, genuinly atmospheric and well told story, albeit one with acting that could give TWILIGHT a run for its money.

So here it is...the original and arguably the best RESIDENT EVIL. The game that freaked out a generation, and single-handedly cemented 'Survival Horror' in gaming culture consciousness. It spawned an unending series of hyper-shitty movies, and the game series has strayed from true horror in its ensuing years, but we can't hold that against it. 'RESI EVIL', (as many of us console-kids affectionately renamed it), is a classic, and deserves all our love and admiration. I hope you enjoy this trip down a particularly dark memory lane as much as I did.

Hotel Management.

Authors note : This walk-through is Chris' story. Jill's is readily available for any of you guys enthused enough to want more.

Review : The Walking Dead Season 3 Episode 3 - Walk With Me

After two enthralling weeks spent inside the progressively desperate minds of Officer Rik Grimes and his motley crew of survivors; THE WALKING DEAD takes a bold, first-time venture,( and a risky one at that) By casting its gaze far from the wonderfully bleak prison setting and our long-suffering gang for an entire episode, and focusing on opening up the world in which the tale is set; the risk pays off in dividends. This is one of the very best episodes since the shows debut.

While its initially strange to realise that the only anchors to familiarity in 'Walk With Me', will be Andrea, and to some degree her new best buddy, and fan-favorite, Michonne; we soon settle into this fresh, unfolding story, and it's every bit as engaging as the prison.

We pick up where we left of in the season premier with Michonne and Andrea struggling day to day to keep breathing. Andrae is dangerously ill, and no place feels safe. When they spot a downed helicopter and investigate, they find they are not teh only souls out there in the rot and ruin who are curious about the crash. Two cars pull up, and out step a group of well armed, healthy looking and potentially deadly men. Its a thrilling opening.

Not least because, finally, we meet the man himself....The Governor.

Its been a long time coming. Fans have been salivating for this most infamous of villains for quite some time now, and he doesn't disappoint. Needless to say, he's portrayed with perfect poise and predatory menace by David Morrisey. What we have here is perhaps the shows most complex and layered character so far. This is no black and white bad guy. He's all shades of grey...equal parts charming and dedicated politico and cold-hearted psychopathic bastard. A very hard man to read.

In fact, for most of the episode, those unaware of just who this guy is, will most likely find him perfectly likable, even admirable. Some of you may still feel the same way come the episodes chilling and surprising finale. Getting a bead on this guy is like catching mist in the palm of your hand. Where the character will go is unknown, but its a tantalizing prospect having this particular leader bump heads with Rik

After all, we soon learn that somehow, this particular community leader has managed to reclaim a small slice of cicilisation. He has created a well-gaurded community with no less than seventy three members, including women, children and even family pets. He has electricty up and running. Fresh water. A medical team. A well-trained and well armed team of guards, (including a familiar face to long-time viewers), and a safe and idyllic way of life awaiting those he chooses to bring into the fold.

Alternativly, Rik has a filthy prison block, very little food, ten or so survivors, no direction, a rapidly deteriorating sense of civility and for a medical outfit, he has a one-legged, half-dead veterinarian and a grieving mother who performs caesarian sections on zombies. Its easy to choose which team you may wanna play for, given the opportunity....

Though things are not what they seem in the picture perfect town on Woodbury. Safety and comfort come at a cost, as we come to realize in a shocking and powerful scene that, in effect, re-introduces this mysterious 'Governor' in a more true form. This is a man who's willing to do anything to protect his people, or is that to protect his power?

Thats the beauty of such a character...we have no idea, (unless we're readers of the comics, of course. And that aint no gaurentee, either), of where this guy is going. So far, he's a moral conundrum. Dedicated and driven, but by what? Hints at a past tragedy suggest this may be a damaged soul looking to do some good in this brave new world, but we all now how power corrupts, and in a town where the hierarchy goes unquestioned; tyranny can easily find a dark place to nestle.

The episode ends on some chilling imagery that poses more questions than it answers about this enigmatic, imposing man, and it leaves us breathless to know more.

Throw into the mix a creepy scientist, a susceptible Andrea, and the first real scenes of character development for the fierce Michonne, and you have a stone cold winner that points to a very bright and emotionally and intellectually engaging future for the show.

There is very little zombie action in 'Walk With Me', and its a good thing. The first two episodes were action heavy, and while its a blast, we want to know these people. This one is all character and story. If the pace is slowed down, the sense of dread and trepidation is sped up, and our understanding of whats at stake living in this nightmare world, is deepened.

THE WALKING DEAD season three continues its stellar run and has found the seemingly perfect balance of action and suspense, and is only growing more thrilling, and dark, with each progressive episode. The show has hit its stride and then some. With the world opening up to endless possibilities for moral and physical conflict, and with Rik's first truly formidable opponent looming large over proceedings, the show can only go from strength to strength.

Fight the dead by all means, but for Gods sake, fear the living...

All hail The Governor.

10 Aquariums out of 10

Review : The Bay (2012)

Director:

Barry Levinson

Writer:

Michael Wallach

Stars:

Kristen Connolly, Jane McNeill and Christopher Denham
 
Those among you looking for an antidote to the tired and tiresome onslaught of inept. ambition-free found footage horror totally squanders the sub-genres inherent ability to disquiet; need look no further. THE BAY is by far the most disturbing, unpleasant, gripping and downright horrific found footage film in many a moon, perhaps ever.

Playing out as a documentary, created and compiled from a huge number of video sources, THE BAY takes the faux-documentary sub-genre and combines it with large scale outbreak movies such as last years brilliant CONTAGION, to create an almost unbearably convincing slice of ecological horror. This is the sort of film that will turn many off. Its repulsive in its unflinching depiction of a viral outbreak spreading throughout an idyllic community, and is relentless in its desire to terrorise the viewer. Yet this is what true horror is aiming for. Its all too realistic, and it may destroy your appetite for the foreseeable future, but its an endurance test worth taking, to witness just how effective found footage horror can be when done right.

THE BAY opens, somewhat disconcertingly, with real-life media footage from a few years back. Some of you may remember a couple of years ago, there was an unexplainable phenomena occurred in the US, as thousands of birds simply dropped from the skies dead. The government handed out some ludicrous explanations, and the public, or at least those who were less well-informed, bought the bullshit. To this day, there has never been a solid, or believable explanation for the avian deaths, at least not from the 'authorities'.

Review : Wrong Turn 5 (2012)

WRONG TURN 5?

Did I miss the memo or something?

Last time I looked there was a WRONG TURN 2. I had no idea there was a Part 3 or a Part 4, or if I did, come across them, I may have blanked out the memory. Some shit is too painful to carry around in this world, so perhaps I'm suffering from some post traumatic head-fuck. Who knows.

Hell, maybe their worthwhile slasher films. The second one sure was. Plenty of fun to be had in that low-budget romp through the backwoods. In fact, in many ways it rose above the original. It lacked the tension that WRONG TURN boasted, but in taking itself way less seriously, it made for perfectly demented fun. A six-beer movie, best enjoyed while baked and with equally immature buddies.

Perhaps three and four follow suite. I'll need to look into it.

The law of diminishing returns dictates that each sequel will more than likely be a paired down version of what worked previously. Seems unlikely the second ones creativity could carry through to two more movies, never mind three. Such was my thinking...and that brings us to this installment.

In WRONG TURN 5, we find ourselves joining the revelers at the 'Mountain Man Festival', a music festival that we are informed is rivaling Lollopalooza in terms of size and crowd. Its held at Halloween, and the partygoers tend to dress up in fancy costumes, often as inbred redneck hillbillies. Meanwhile, deep in the surrounding woods, a trio of cannibals in badly designed inbred make-up are being raised by a relative and patriarch, (played by Pinhead, himself, if you can believe that shit). When some of the festival kids find themelves arrested alongside dear old Daddy, his boys come valiantly to his rescue. As the ugly bastards go about their jailbreak, the two parties clash in seriously violent fashion...

WRONG TURN 5 was nowhere near as awful as I assumed it would be. Perhaps my low expectations helped in swallowing this junk-food in one bite, but it really wasn't too painful an experience at all. Its cheesy as hell with some atrocious acting, (though not always) and is about as scary as STUART LITTLE, but it does relish in the violence, and at least tries to do something original with its worn down characters.

Speaking of which, I'm a little confused. Are these the same hillbilly face-chewers from the first and second film, because one of them looks just like the rat-faced mutant from part one? I'm guessing its simply a case of designing with familiarity in mind, but I can't say for sure. Again, I have to mention the makeup on these bozo's. THE WALKING DEAD this ain't. These mutant chaps look like their wearing cheap Halloween masks fashioned on the monster designs from the previous films. In short, they look like shit, but even this works in the films favor, as its very believable that these jokers could mingle with the costumed revelers without anyone believing their actually mutants. They fit in just fine with the festival folk, because they look every bit as shitty. Genius or ineptitude on the creators part? No idea...

There's very artistry on display here, and next to no tension, but the kills are vicious, often unexpected and the effects are handled pretty well, (with less reliance on cheap CG than many low-budget genre films these days). Call me a reprobate, but watching one of our mutants gutting a gal and feeding her her own intestines while a soft rock ballad plays in the background, is pretty damn entertaining. And a  scene featuring two trapped kids, a football field and a huge lawnmower is so way over the top its impossible not to laugh out loud. Very messy. Perhaps I was raised wrong.

Doug Bradley is great fun too...overacting like a hero, and spending most of the movie laughing his ass off 'evilly' and letting everyone know they're deader than disco when his clan comes to break him out of jail.  He's like a more pro-active harbinger. I always think of this cat as being very classy, and seeing him in a goofy-ass role like this is a blast.

The people who made WRONG TURN 5 knew what they were getting into. They know this ain't anything other than a good time. Kids will love it for the boobs and body parts, growth-stunted adults such as myself will enjoy it for the shameless sense of trashy fun. I found the whole thing hilarious. I mean, how often do you get to see a mutant cannibal hillbilly jailbreak?

Make no mistake, this is pure cheese. Nonsense of the lowest order, but its just dumb enough to be a riot if your in the right mood. It scores points for being the fifth film in a series and not sucking like a rent-boy. I'll maybe even go back and watch three and four now. Maybe.

And has anyone noticed how 'Rat-Mutants' insane giggling sounds just like the Jockey in LEFT 4 DEAD 2? Creepy....

6 Hair-lips out of 10

Review : The Walking Dead - Season 3 Episode 1 -Seeds (2012)

It looks like the writers and creators of THE WALKING DEAD have been listening to the fan's concerns, and listening good...

I don't mean the haters or the trolls; those strange creatures will continue to pick apart anything and everything that the rest of us love about this phenomenal show. No, I'm talking about the real fan's... the people, and we are legion, who are critical without being ridiculous.

It's no secret that a lot of folk's out there were turned off to some degree by season 2 of the show. Myself, I loved it like I love my jerky, but I can admit that it had some pacing issues and some of the writing was a little uneven. I had no problem with the episodes that featured a sparsity of the munching dead, and I came to care for all the right characters and find frustration with all the wrong ones. Shane was a fascinating guy, as were Darryl and Rik. I had a few issues with Carl's worth, but lets face it, he was a kid; scared and untrained. Lori was the cat who caused the most scratches on the couch, and while I often couldn't abide her actions, I found it easy to go along with her uneven behaviour. After all, I've never been in a fucking zombie apocalypse, so who am I to judge?

Still, while my love and admiration for the show and the cast never diminished, (and I've yet to meet anyone outside of an Internet forum who feels any different), the show clearly had the potential to rise to even greater heights.

With the opening episode of season 3, it's looks like it's reached them.

Glen Mazzara and his team are now in full control of the show, and this, let it be said, is a very good thing. There was a notable increase it quality in the last season when these guys took over, and its clear that its continuing into this new chapter of our tale of survival, moral disintegration and death. The show feels entirely fresh, with a much more focused intent on character nuance, action and suspense. This time, it all just feels much more balanced.

Now, I know its only one episode into the season, but it's very heartening to see our characters all become far more likable than we've come to know them. Time has passed, in our absence, (a very wise move by the creators), and our desperate group of survivors have all grown while we waited. A harsh winter has passed, and everyone has found their inner strength. Lets just look at a few of the great changes this episode brought....

The women are no longer delegated to side characters or spare wheels. The washing of dishes has been replaced by determination, courage, ability and yes, even a sense of humour about their situation. A scene between Darryl and Carol is amongst the shows warmest and funniest in its entire run; now who would've thought that? Also, we have the much heralded entry of Michonne into the mix, who can only further the female empowerment the show is now portraying. While there will surely be time for cooking and cleaning, (and it looks like these poor bastards could all use a good wash), the girls of the group now know how to fend for themselves, and have much greater worth to the group. Its a very good sign of things to come.

And what about the two main gripes that were aimed at season 2 ad-nausea...Lori and Carl?

Well, in the months that have been endured in the land of the dead, Carl appears to have become the son Rik needs him to be. He's put aside childish things and is taking the right steps to becoming a man. And Lori....Lori, by some miracle, was sympathetic in this episode. The writers have used the negative attention towards her character to help push her story arc, (and that of her families) in new directions. She realizes she fucked up, and seems so much more humble, and human, now.

As for her long-suffering husband, and the shows 'dead center', Rik has grown much colder, much more capable and much more complex. His scenes with Lori hint at an inner anger having usurped his despair. His relationship with Carl is far more realistic, too, and its very clear to see that he's become the harsh leader we all knew he should, and could, become. There are a number of very telling scenes in which Rik merely glares at characters when questioned, and in the opening scenes, his actions as a starving Carl pries open a tin of cat food speak much louder than words would, as do the expression of his group. No-one is talking back. They all now know he's their only real hope for spiritual and physical survival, and they accept his authority without question, (so far). All the while Rik never loses his compassion, or his well honed moral compass. At least, not yet...

And what of the new prison setting? Its as imposing, claustrophobic and bleak as we all hoped it would be. There are some fantastic scenes that take place in its dark, foreboding corridors. The episode finale, in which the group navigate its labyrinthine, pitch-black corridors using only torches, is the most suspenseful moment in the show since a much less experienced Rik got his sorry ass stuck under that tank way back in the day. The prison is going to be a fantastic setting this season, and as we all know, it'll be contrasted by a certain, simple-living town run by a lovely guy who goes by the name of, 'the Governor'. There's much to look forward to, folks.

As I mentioned earlier, there is a much stronger balance here between action and drama, and the action scenes do not disappoint. There may be more zombie killing in this episode than all of season two combined, yet thanks to great writing, it never becomes overbearing. This never has been, and never will be, a mindless romp focused on constant action and gore, (thank heavens), but its truly exciting to see the group kick some serious undead ass. The violence here, which is through the roof, helps to build character, and that's the key to making this show work.

The effects are as great as ever, and it seems with the shows success they may be allowed to go a little further, as this one felt right up there with Romero's DAY OF THE DEAD. It was bloody as hell, with faces sliding off, rotten, half eaten corpses, too many, (and too varied), kills to count and a final scene that just kicks your teeth in, and leaves us on a brilliant cliffhanger. This is horror heaven, right here, troops, and we should all rejoice.

THE WALKING DEAD has been great from the beginning, and despite some flaws, its always had a very loyal, loving fan base. Its brought people to the genre that previously thought horror to be stale and thoughtless, and its upped the stakes in what we expect from horror, both on television and in theaters. We should raise a glass to Mazzara and his team; they've listened, they've cared, and they've acted accordingly, and we get to reap the fine rewards. I can't see anyone outside the forum trolls, being disappointed. Its as good as TV gets. Exciting, pulse-pounding, scary and dark as hell. This is what horror is all about. And we still have The Governor to look forward to....

High hopes indeed...bring on the next episode!!!

(Authors Note : I'll be reviewing the rest of the season as it airs, so stay tuned for more reviews, guys. Love, Kyle)

10 Owl-Burgers out of 10

Review : Chernobyl Diaries (2012)

Director:

Bradley Parker

Writers:

Oren Peli (screenplay), Carey Van Dyke (screenplay), and 2 more credits »

Stars:

Jesse McCartney, Jonathan Sadowski and Olivia Dudley

If there has ever been a location that's tailor made for horror fiction, it's Chernobyl and the surrounding area, most notably the city of Prypyat. Its a location that send chills up the spine without any need for embellishment or enhancement. A real world place succumbed to a tragedy that disturbs and disquiets at our most base instinctual level. The awful accident that happened there is still ongoing, some twenty five years later, the countless lives destroyed, the unnatural births, the fight to keep that damned reactor from leaking....all downright freaky, (and saddening) shit.

The beautiful township of Prypyat, where the majority of the nuclear facilities workers lived, with their families in tow, has become legend. After days of exposure to high levels of radiation, the poor souls who lived there were eventually given the truth about the accident that happened only two miles from where they fed their kids. Evacuation was immediate, and within 40 or so hours, the once vibrant and beautiful city was nothing more than a ghost town; ready to be reclaimed by nature, and never to be filled with human life again. It remains to this day a testament to man's folly, and in case your unaware of the place, (shame on you), just go look it up. For me, its like peering through a looking glass into our inevitable future. One day, all cities will be like this. We're humans.We'lll fuck up again on a far grander scale, (remember Fukishima?). It's in our nature, and it gives me the shits.

Review : Silent House (2011)

Directors:

Chris Kentis, Laura Lau

Writers:

Gustavo Hernández (film "La casa muda"), Laura Lau (screenplay)

Stars:

Elizabeth Olsen, Adam Trese and Eric Sheffer Stevens
 
Trapped inside her family's lakeside retreat, a young woman finds she is unable to contact the outside world as events become increasingly ominous in and around the house

I never caught the original SILENT HOUSE, and in truth, I had no real desire to catch this American remake. For one thing, a remake so soon after the original always feels like an insult to audiences intelligence to me, (yes, we can read subtitles; just release the original work), and as the films whole 'hype', if you will, was based around the fact that it is filmed, or at least appears to be filmed, in one continuous take. In short, its a gimmick, and to be quite frank, i couldn't give a good fuck about gimmickry, in any form, (unless William Castle is behind it). I'm interested in story, plot development, atmosphere and character. Without those things all fitted in place, bravado camerawork and directorial flourish really doesn't appeal to me. The story is God, if you will. SILENT HOUSE, in concept, sounds, (and is), pretty familiar ground. At its core, its essentially a home invasion movie, with an undercurrent on supernatural mystery to sweeten the taste. I dig these films, but they have to bring something fresh to the table. MOTHERS DAY, INSIDE, IL'S/THEM......now those are home invasion movies.

Review : The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Director:

Drew Goddard

Writers:

Joss Whedon, Drew Goddard

Stars:

Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth and Anna Hutchison

Five college buddies head out to a remote cabin for a weekend of beer, weed, sex and general grooviness, but soon after arriving, they find that, well, I'm not telling....

This will probably be a very short review, folks, and for good reason. If like myself, your a wise and experienced soul, you'll know to avoid all trailers, spoilers and amatuer reviews of this little ditty, (and horror in general, as it happens). Its a film that simply sings if you know nothing about it going in. Hell, it sings anyway, loudly and beautifully. The impact is far greater though, if your out of the loop entirely.

Its no secret by now that what seems like a template horror scenario is turned upside down, spun around, shot full with head-fuckery and let loose on the populace, but boy, does the film impress, hyped or not. This is what horror cinema is all about people. Its a perfect example of why the genre inspires so much love in its audience. Its creativity is boundless, its execution is perfect in every single way, and its just about the most fun I've ever had watching a horror movie in my life.

Horror Hotel Cinema - Zombies: A Living History

The worlds doomed, man....

Everywhere you turn these days there are lunatics eating peoples faces, chem-trails blazing through the skies spraying us with God knows what, and the constant threat of chemical weapons being used on us by faceless unknowns, (most likely our own Governments).

You can't surf a news site without running into some zombie-like craziness. Hell, the internet is alive with talk of teh coming apocalypse! Time to study up, kids. Get your shit together and prepare for the coming Hell-on-Earth.

Me, I learned all I need to know from George Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD. While these undead bastards are eating my friends and neighbours, I'll be holed up in a shopping mall, armed to the teeth with Jack Daniels, Sub-Machine Guns and Xbox 360 games. Step into my mall, living or undead...I'll blow your fucking head off.

For the rest of you, this documentary should help you get up to speed on your survival skills. Learn the history of Horror cinema's most enduring monsters; their weakness', motives and machinations.

Meet Jonathan Maberry....writer of some of the greatest zombie fiction ever written in his Benny Imura Saga,, (reviews of first two books here). Meet George Romero, creator of the...ah hell, you know who he is already. Meet some random chinese badass whose more than happy to teach you how to ruin a zombies day with a variety of household items.

And if all that aint enough, you'll also get to learn about the genesis of the zombie myths from a plethora of cultures! Does it get any better? No...no, its doesnt.

Get smart, get watching....

Book Review : 'Rot and Ruin' & 'Dust and Decay' by Jonathan Maberry

What can one say about Jonathan Maberry?

My first fateful encounter with the writing of this guy came when hunting for some 'fresh blood'. I'd exhausted all the works of my favorite authors, having read and re-read my huge collection of degenerate horror fiction more than once. I found myself facing what you could safely call a dry-out. Now, I could easily go back and visit the works of Laymon, Keene, Lee et-all, for the rest of my life and still shuffle of to the big fire a very happy, content soul; but I like to experiment from time to time. Take a dive into unknown waters, if you will. It was on one such excursion into the risky realm of blind book-buying that I stumbled upon his novel, GHOST ROAD BLUES.

The blurb caught me. The artwork caught me, the fucking title caught me, but I had no idea what I was in store for. I soon learned that it was book one it what is now known as Maberry's 'Pine Deep Trilogy'. A series of books that, for me at least, redefined horror literature. The influences were clear, but the execution was mind-blowing. It still stands as the greatest horror epic I've ever read.

Although with ROT AND RUIN, and its sequel, DUST AND DECAY, it's having a helluva fight to hold that accolade. These books, (two parts of a four part tale), take the zombie mythos we all know and love, reinvigorate and reinvent it for a whole new generation.

Review : Undocumented (2010)

Director:

Chris Peckover

Writers:

Chris Peckover, Joe Peterson

Stars:

Scott Mechlowicz, Alona Tal and Yancey Arias

UNDOCUMENTED tell the pitch black tale of a group of American student film-makers who travel to Mexico in order to produce a documentary that details the plight of illegal immigrants, including a fly-on-the-wall look at the actual border crossing itself. As the group of students and a busload of Mexicans make their way into the Us, however, they are captured and detained by a militant extremist group from America, who have taken it upon themselves to rid the country of the 'scourge of immigration'. When they learn that six of the captives are American, and making a documentary, the decide that the kids will document their story, and deliver their message to the world, or suffer the consequences.

First time Writer/Director, Chris Peckover has crafted a debut film that really does impress. It seems to have gotten lost among the myriad torture porn bullshit that the genre has been flooded in, in recent years, but it's much more than just another HOSTEL rip-off. Actually, its far, far better than HOSTEL could ever hope to be, and has a great deal more intelligence and darkness to boot.

Review : Straw Dogs (2011)

Director: 

Rod Lurie

Writers:

Rod Lurie (screenplay), David Zelag Goodman (earlier screenplay), and 2 more credits »

Stars:

James Marsden, Kate Bosworth and Alexander Skarsgård

L.A. screenwriter David Sumner relocates with his wife to her hometown in the deep South. There, while tensions build between them, a brewing conflict with locals becomes a threat to them both. 

(Brief History Lesson : In 1971, legendary Director Sam Peckinpah shocked audiences worldwide with STRAW DOGS. At the time, the films violence was pretty extreme, but it was the films unflinching look at male aggression that got the censors dicks in knots. Not to mention a rape scene in which the victim appears to be quite enjoying the whole thing. Long story short, the film was banned for 25 years, and finally found its home on DVD. End of lesson. Now onto the review.....)

Another hangover....another unnecessary remake. That's two for two in so many days.

I cant complain too much though, some of these recent remakes have been ego-crashingly good. FRIGHT NIGHT and MOTHERS DAY are sitting proudly atop that list. And while there will always be cash grab movies that piss all over the intent and artistry of the originals, (NIGHTMARE ON SHIT STREET), there seems to be a greater trend of late towards actually paying respect to the original works. Basically, it seems the less remakes are made by those fuck-nuts at Platinum Dunes, the better our cinematic environment shall be.

Review : Battleground (2011)

 

Director:

Neil Mackay

Writers:

Neil Mackay, Sean McAulay

Stars:

Bryan Larkin, Hugh Lambe and Bob Cymbalski

When a bank heist goes 'south' for Mr Pink, Mr Blonde, Nice Guy Eddie and....oh shit, hold up......

When a bank heist goes south for a random group of career criminals, they find themselves having to hide out overnight in the woodlands surrounding Michigan. What they don't know is that the same woods are home to a war damaged Vietnam-Vet who's watched far too many John Rambo movies. Cue bloodshed, bullet-holes and booby-traps....

You know those annoying, amatuer-ish reviews that spend half their time comparing a film to others in its field, without ever really delving into the film itself? Well, this is one of those. Sorry....

I'm gonna try to keep the comparisons to a minimal, but with a movie that wears its influences on its sleeves so proudly, its gonna be really fucking hard. This in no way means its a bad film. In fact, I rather enjoyed it for what it was. It delivers the, 'slasher/action movie', goods in its own humble way, while paying respectable homage to its admittedly far loftier peers.

Review : Blooded (2011)

Director:

Edward Boase

Writer:

James Walker

Stars:

Nick Ashdon, Neil McDermott and Oliver Boot

A group of hunters, led by a prominent Pro-Hunting lobbyist, Lucas Bell, are abducted in the remote Highlands of Scotland by animal rights activists, and given a taste of what its like to be hunted themselves.

This is a film site, so I'll discuss the movie on its merits before commenting on what I see as a very upsetting agenda within this film. Feel free to read and enjoy only the critique on the technical aspects of the film, and I'll let you know when it'll move on from that....

If your working on a low budget, and you happen to be based in the UK, there are worse things you can do than film your movie in my home land of Scotland. You need a sense of total isolation? You got it. You need a landscape so untouched by civilisation that it commands respect even when viewed through the lens of a camera? Well, you got that too.  You need a sense of majesty in your cinematography? An epic sweep that can make your humble little indie film look like a million bucks? Yep, got it.