Review : Wrong Turn 5 (2012)

WRONG TURN 5?

Did I miss the memo or something?

Last time I looked there was a WRONG TURN 2. I had no idea there was a Part 3 or a Part 4, or if I did, come across them, I may have blanked out the memory. Some shit is too painful to carry around in this world, so perhaps I'm suffering from some post traumatic head-fuck. Who knows.

Hell, maybe their worthwhile slasher films. The second one sure was. Plenty of fun to be had in that low-budget romp through the backwoods. In fact, in many ways it rose above the original. It lacked the tension that WRONG TURN boasted, but in taking itself way less seriously, it made for perfectly demented fun. A six-beer movie, best enjoyed while baked and with equally immature buddies.

Perhaps three and four follow suite. I'll need to look into it.

The law of diminishing returns dictates that each sequel will more than likely be a paired down version of what worked previously. Seems unlikely the second ones creativity could carry through to two more movies, never mind three. Such was my thinking...and that brings us to this installment.

In WRONG TURN 5, we find ourselves joining the revelers at the 'Mountain Man Festival', a music festival that we are informed is rivaling Lollopalooza in terms of size and crowd. Its held at Halloween, and the partygoers tend to dress up in fancy costumes, often as inbred redneck hillbillies. Meanwhile, deep in the surrounding woods, a trio of cannibals in badly designed inbred make-up are being raised by a relative and patriarch, (played by Pinhead, himself, if you can believe that shit). When some of the festival kids find themelves arrested alongside dear old Daddy, his boys come valiantly to his rescue. As the ugly bastards go about their jailbreak, the two parties clash in seriously violent fashion...

WRONG TURN 5 was nowhere near as awful as I assumed it would be. Perhaps my low expectations helped in swallowing this junk-food in one bite, but it really wasn't too painful an experience at all. Its cheesy as hell with some atrocious acting, (though not always) and is about as scary as STUART LITTLE, but it does relish in the violence, and at least tries to do something original with its worn down characters.

Speaking of which, I'm a little confused. Are these the same hillbilly face-chewers from the first and second film, because one of them looks just like the rat-faced mutant from part one? I'm guessing its simply a case of designing with familiarity in mind, but I can't say for sure. Again, I have to mention the makeup on these bozo's. THE WALKING DEAD this ain't. These mutant chaps look like their wearing cheap Halloween masks fashioned on the monster designs from the previous films. In short, they look like shit, but even this works in the films favor, as its very believable that these jokers could mingle with the costumed revelers without anyone believing their actually mutants. They fit in just fine with the festival folk, because they look every bit as shitty. Genius or ineptitude on the creators part? No idea...

There's very artistry on display here, and next to no tension, but the kills are vicious, often unexpected and the effects are handled pretty well, (with less reliance on cheap CG than many low-budget genre films these days). Call me a reprobate, but watching one of our mutants gutting a gal and feeding her her own intestines while a soft rock ballad plays in the background, is pretty damn entertaining. And a  scene featuring two trapped kids, a football field and a huge lawnmower is so way over the top its impossible not to laugh out loud. Very messy. Perhaps I was raised wrong.

Doug Bradley is great fun too...overacting like a hero, and spending most of the movie laughing his ass off 'evilly' and letting everyone know they're deader than disco when his clan comes to break him out of jail.  He's like a more pro-active harbinger. I always think of this cat as being very classy, and seeing him in a goofy-ass role like this is a blast.

The people who made WRONG TURN 5 knew what they were getting into. They know this ain't anything other than a good time. Kids will love it for the boobs and body parts, growth-stunted adults such as myself will enjoy it for the shameless sense of trashy fun. I found the whole thing hilarious. I mean, how often do you get to see a mutant cannibal hillbilly jailbreak?

Make no mistake, this is pure cheese. Nonsense of the lowest order, but its just dumb enough to be a riot if your in the right mood. It scores points for being the fifth film in a series and not sucking like a rent-boy. I'll maybe even go back and watch three and four now. Maybe.

And has anyone noticed how 'Rat-Mutants' insane giggling sounds just like the Jockey in LEFT 4 DEAD 2? Creepy....

6 Hair-lips out of 10