Review : HITCHCOCK (2012)

As NORTH BY NORTHWEST opens to great acclaim, an ageing Alfred Hitchcock begins to suspect he may be losing his touch. In his clamour for inspiration and something truly challenging, he comes across a little-known horror novel about a boy and his mother...a novel called PSYCHO...

Yeah, yeah...I know. It's not a horror movie, I hear you cry. That's as may be, but it centres around one of the greatest horror films ever made, (and perhaps one of the few authentically perfect movies in existence), and it deals with a man synonymous with the genre. Therefor, its getting reviewed, kids. Not only for these aforementioned reasons, but because it's a portrait of a man I have unbounded love and admiration for, and it put a grin on my mug a mile wide, and what better way to start a new year of reviews than with a film that had got me giddy as a schoolboy?

HITCHCOCK is not a film your gonna watch for any real depth or insight into the soul of this great master of horror and suspense. It's not a concise and detailed look at the film-making process, either. Theres very little of historical value here, other than surface anecdotal whimsy and the retelling of legend in a totally biased and celebratory fashion. Nope, what you get with HITCHCOCK is a surrealistic and very humorous glimpse into the situation this immortal big fat bugger found himself in, as the years began to catch up on him. What baring of the soul is witnessed by the viewer comes almost fully from our preconceived notions of the man, and in this case, (much like ED WOOD), that's no bad thing.

If your looking for a dark, intimate study of a man who was, by all accounts, a bit on the crazy side, then your in the wrong place. But if, like me, the mere mention the man puts a smile on your face and a song in your heart, then this is candy-corn and carnivals, folks. It really is a ninety minute celebration of perhaps the most single-minded sonofagun who ever directed a motion picture. A true one-off, and a man whose cunning and wit wit simply makes any scene featuring him a joy to behold.

And there really is no end to the brilliant moments here. Hitchcock whining for a drink as Alma forces him to do the gardening...his endless flirtation with Janet Leigh...his temper tantrums on set...his blaring of classical music while he enjoys cream-cake and Warner Bros cartoons...it's all gold.

At the centre of all this joviality is a man who is no stranger to horror, himself, Anthony Hopkins...and he plays old Hitch to perfection. It would have been easy to stray into caricature as so many actors do when portraying characters as colorful as big Al, (of which there are very few), but Hopkins knows how to toe the line. He plays up Hitch's many famous idiosyncrasies, while keeping the man grounded in authentic human emotion. He's simply fantastic, and he should be...he's helped by some extraordinary make-up that makes him a near dead-ringer for Hitch. As his long-suffering and fiercely intelligent wife, Alma, Helen Mirren is bang on the money. They have great chemistry, and help keep the scenes that deviate from the lightness of tone very palatable. It may be seen as a flaw that so much of the film is focused on their relationship, but at heart, HITCHCOCK is a love story. A very sweet, somewhat seasoned tale of two soul-mates, and the shit they put each other through in this weird old life. As a couple, they are never less than delightful.

And they have fine support, too. Scarlett Johansson is spot-on as Janet Leigh...both erotic and approachable, (much to Alma's misfortune), and the fella who plays Anthony Perkins is shockingly brilliant. He looks and acts exactly like the man. Its, frankly, uncanny. Though, make no mistake, as good as the support is, this is really a two-hander, and their relationship fuels the two intertwining plots overwhelmingly.

Of course, many if not all of you are less interested in Hitch's marriage than in the telling of how his arguably finest movie, (and first foray into pure horror), came to be born, ...and you wont be disappointed. Theres a real spirit of nostalgia in the scenes of filming, and the lead-up, as Hitch does battle with the evil forces of Paramount and its half-witted producers, is every bit as enthralling as the scenes of the man directing. Theres always been something gleefully mischievous about Hitchcock's persona, and in these early scenes, (and in later post-production scenes), its made clear how well this wily old dogs wits served him in his unending fight to retain complete control over his movies. And thank God he did. There are few things as gratifying in this life as seeing an true artist overcome the bureaucrats that hold them back, and HITCHCOCK playfully details our heroes manipulation of these monkeys, celebrating his victories with abandon.

There are a few darker elements in here, (Hitchcock's anger with his wife seems to fuel his directing of PSYCHO into a more vicious work than even he had contemplated, and his infamous obsession with his leading ladies is centre-front throughout the tale), but the overall tone is one of creativity and play. In one inspired storytelling choice, Alfred often holds imaginary conversations with true-life serial killer, Ed Gein, (the inspiration for PSYCHO, among other horror works, including SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, as it happens), seeking inspiration and understanding. Its an unnecessary but very entertaining method of bringing us closer to the man.

Another wonderful flourish within the tale is the style in which Alfred and Alma's relationship is told. As Hitch begins to suspect his long-time love of having an affair with her smarmy bastard of a writer friend; the film plays out like a Hitchcock suspense film. The overwrought music recalls the great work of Bernard Herman, as the portly directors suspicion grows; and its hilarious, culminating in a fantastic moment where he expresses to Alma in his trademark deadpan way, that, 'Every man is capable of murder, and with good reason'. He states this mid-argument, mind you, as she removes a cream-cake from his person.

Now, if that last sentence put a smile on your face, then you obviously know your Hitchcock, and your guaranteed to love this thing. For those unfamiliar with his work or his legend, (the hell is wrong with you!?), the film may be far less charming. In truth, though, if your unaware of Alfred Hitchcock you have no place near a cinema screen in the first place. Just saying...

A little too much screen-time is spent detailing Alma's situation with her admirer. We really only need the bare minimum of these two together to understand that shes frustrated in her life, that time could have been put to far better use with Hitch doing, well, anything, but its a small bit of gristle in an otherwise hugely enjoyable steak. It's hard to complain.

Overall, HITCHCOCK is ninety minutes of fresh summer air. It's not a serious take on the man, nor is it trying to be...its a period piece with real colour and vibrancy, and a character study that isn't afraid to simply revel in its larger-than-life protagonist and focus on fun. It's absolutely hilarious from start to finish, and never once sinks into maudlin situations or mundane excess. The tempestuous relationships at its core, (both between Hitch and Alma, and Hitch and the studio), are buoyant and light-footed, and, (as you all know how PSYCHO went down) the tale ends on a beautifully romantic and victorious high. This is some great fun, right here, guys. It had me at, 'Good evening'.....

8 Shower Curtains out of 10

Horror Hotel Cinema : LOVERCRAFT - FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN (2008)

First excursion of the year into the HHC, kids, and it's something of a treat for the more literary minded among you.

Few horror fans will be unfamiliar with Lovecrafts work...whether they read horror fiction, or not. His influence can be felt in many dark corners of our genre, from IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS and HELLBOY, to Brian Yuzna's many forays into Lovecraftian terror. The man is a legend in the genre, and for those lucky enough to have braved his body of work, it comes as no wonder that he's so revered. Few writers can disquiet the soul quite as effectively as H.P Lovecraft.

For those fans among you, (and those whom are rightfully curious about the man, FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN is a pretty comprehensive look at his life, his work, his psyche and of course, his immeasurable influence. Be warned, there are a few story spoilers among the many interviews, but you can clearly see them coming if your new to his work. In truth, they really don't spoil the stories as Lovecrafts template is very well established in the minds of horror fans, whether they now it or not. It's not the destination with his tales...its the journey that counts.

Anyway, I enjoyed the hell out of this one, and it drew me back to my dusty old Lovecraft collections with renewed vigor. I hope it can do the same, or similar, for you.

Enjoy...

Horror Hotel Management - Worst Horror of 2012

Having just compiled my list of this years most memorable and enjoyable genre experiences, it is, and I say this with no pleasure, time to revisit the films that worked real hard at making horror look every bit as inept and vacuous as much of the mainstream audience imagine it to be.

I rarely take pleasure in tearing apart a horror film, even when, like this bunch of shit-stains, they threaten to destroy my faith not only the genre, but in the known universe at large. Sometimes, though, you just gotta tear those fuckers down.

I won't waste a great deal of time on these less-than-noble fuck-ups, but I hope that what I will say may be enough to save you from wasting a few valuable hours of your life. To each their own, man; but these bad-boys stank up my brain so much I can't imagine anyone getting anything from them other than an overwhelming urge to maim and kill. Here goes...

PARANORMAL LACK OF ACTIVITY 4

After the surprisingly enjoyable PA3, watching this is akin to watching your dick shrink after some particularly enjoyable one-time-only sex. No scares, no plot, no characters. Just a cynical money-grab by bastards who have made more than enough cash already by having camera's pan around darkened living rooms, and assholes scream at nothing.

ROSEWOOD LANE

Finally finding a release in 2012, ROSEWOOD LANE managed to provide the most head-bustingly hilarious scenes in any horror movie this decade. The problem was, it wasn't meant to be a fucking comedy. Convicted child molester, Victor Salva's latest venture into barely disguised pedophilic imagery was a non-stop shitfest featuring a 30 year old paperboy, (Salva ain't allowed to work with kids apparently, and for good fucking reason), a face-pissing sequence that screamed 'glory-hole fantasy, and an antagonist who performs utterly terrifying acts such as..BREAKING IN AND REARRANGING A PERSONS ORNAMENTS!!! Don't support this man's work, for any number of reasons.

PIRANHA 3DD

How do you fuck up a sequel to PIRANHA!? That film was as low-brow as they come...great fun, yes, but hardly a hard act to follow. All you require is tits, ultra-violence and some hilarious cameo work, right? Wrong, apparently. 3DD managed to feature all these things and still somehow suck unholy balls even as a cheap exploitation movie. I'm all for camp, no-brain fun, but this thing lacks what makes a real exploitation film work...charm. The effects are awful, there's no plot, the acting is so bad as to be painful, and worse than all of that...Hasselhoff is completely squandered in his cameo. Congratulations, 3DD, you managed to make tits boring.

HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET

The worst sort of horror movie, (and I feel like eating my own head even calling this a horror movie), is the 'hollywood-teen' horror. You know the type...generically good-looking young cast, horrifyingly boring dialogue, stilted and mind-numbing romantic elements, no scares or gore, and cliche piled upon cliche that could only ever please a teenage crowd who's parents weren't cool enough to raise 'em on real horror...its all here in spades. Even that pretty gal with the mans voice from THE HUNGER GAMES can't save this bin-bound bollocks.

THE DEVIL INSIDE

This has to be the worst horror movie I've seen in years. It's simply unwatchable. It's scares are laughable, its hand-held camerawork is contrived and does nothing to support or enhance the 'story', and it has NO FUCKING ENDING. In fact, if you wanna know what happens, YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE WEBSITE AND READ ABOUT IT. Which, as you can imagine, I absolutely fucking did not...

REC 3

No film in recent memory has pissed in my well anywhere near as potently as REC 3. I love the first two, but with this one, their co-director seems hellbent on utterly shitting on the franchise. Instead of sheer razor-wire suspense and outright terror, we get something that I'm assuming is supposed to be comedic, but is about as funny as having your dick hammered. Why does this garbage even have the word, 'REC', in the title. Did I miss something?!

SMILEY

A film that, in trying to play smart to the online generation, manages to come off as a desperate cry for attention from a rapidly dwindling, piss-stained pensioner. SMILEY was to slasher films what chilli-sauce on your hands is to masturbation. It burned all the more painfully, as we expected a new horror icon we could perhaps get behind. A huge disappointment from start to finish.

So there you have it...some of the worst atrocities committed to celluloid that the year of 2012 brought us. There are plenty more; of that I have no doubt, but I'm getting wiser in my old age, and tend to avoid many of the more dubious releases like the clap. Feel free to share your cinematic horror stories below, folks. Perhaps in bringing these shit-stains to the light we can somehow find a way to move on in our lives. I doubt it, but it's worth a try, y'all...

Yours,
Hotel Management.

Horror Hotel Managements 'The Best Horror of 2012'

First off, apologies to all my readers for my absence over the festive season. I assure you its not been due to the consumption of vast amounts of alcohol, although that may have played some part in the Hotels recent conspicuous lack of activity. Rather, I've been working on my own horror fiction over the free-time the season has afforded me, and have found all my creative urges have been pointing in that direction for the last while. Also, I've been battling the man-flu, and have been losing...big-fucking-time...

With that said, I haven't been watching a great deal of horror this past month either. I've done some serious reading within out genre, (not least the brilliant and hilarious WOLF HUNT by Jeff Strand, which you really oughta seek out, kids!).

Still, its that time of year again when all us horror fans throw together our lists and try in vain to arrange them into some sort of order that justifies our love for them. well, screw that. There'll be no order of preference here, just a heads-up on some goodies you may have missed. I personally love reading top-tens and the like, but hate writing them. If I truly love a film, it'll be my favourite on any given sunday. If I'm watching horror in the fall, HALLOWEEN will take the top spot; if I'm in a post-apocalyptic mood, DAWN OF THE DEAD has me procliaming it the greatest movie of all time. If I'm in need of great character and suspense...it's JAWS. The list goes on and on...

Our personalities are mercurial, and any list I compile can only be considered an ordered one on the day I compile it.

With that said, what I'll do here is list a number of films that stuck with me this year. Films that affected me in different ways. They may not all be high art, and there most certainly not all included for their inherent intellect or artistry. These are simply the genre efforts that I enjoyed the most, on any number of levels. There are a few more recent releases that I have regrettaby been unable to view that I have a suspicion would find a home on the this years , 'Best of...', such as DERANGED, AMERICAN MARY and JOHN DIES AT THE END, but you'll have to forgive me for such discrepancies.  In the case of the two I mentioned, I'll be reviewing them both next, along with some of the films that will appear on this list.

So, with no further adieu, here are the genre releases of 2012 that, for me, spat in the eye of all the naysayers that proclaimed horror to be dead this year, (as they do every year...the miserable bastards). Some are fun, some camp, some are terrifying, some beautiful, and one or two of them are downright shameful. And of course, they are in no particular order...

THE GREY

What looked on the surface to be a fun, 'man versus wolf' action flick, turns almost everyones head and heart around by being one of the years most emotionally devastating studies of the human spirit. A pitch black look at mortality and the many ways that man attempts to face it with some semblance of bravery, THE GREY was a terrifying, sad and truly human story. We got on-board for the horror/action scenes of  'man on wolf'... we stayed for the thoughtful treatise on hope in the face of despair and the exceptional performances. I havent cried watching any film like I did this one since they adapted McCarthys THE ROAD.

THE BAY

I can't recall the last time a film made me squirm like this bad-boy. THE BAY took body-horror and found footage horror and merged them together into a wholly convincing documentarian account of a stomach-churning virus dessicating a seaside town. As much an angry polemic as it is a horror film, THE BAY can be treated as one of the most effective diet plans known to modern man, and perhaps the finest use of the hand-held style of filmmaking to date. Violent, pissed off and with a very pertinent message...this ones unmissable.

THE WALKING DEAD

Holy shit did Season 3 kick things into gear. With Glen Mazzara finally taking control of a full season, THE WALKING DEAD finally reached its potential. Non-stop tension, the best zombie make-ups ever put on screen, reborn characters who we could get behind and love, and one of the most intriguing villians ever to grace the TV screen. This year, the undead apolcalypse went from great to truly magnificent. And we're only half way through the damn thing. Flawless.

SILENT NIGHT

Seriously...did anyone expect this to be anything other than a complete mess? I love the original for its bare-faced exploitative nature, and could only see this remake becoming fatally diluted fare with none of its predessesors depravity...I couldnt have been more wrong. it may have a certain sheen to it, but this loose remake is balls to the wall lunacy, with great kills, some fantastic characters and a visually striking bad-ass of a killer in a Santa Suit. What more do you want? Its an old-school slasher done right, and tranported me back to those hazy days of the 80's when films like FRIDAY THE 13TH and MADMAN stole my little black heart. Its also very well shot and performed by a cool cast which includes the mighty Malcolm MacDowell being a prize asshole.See it!

LOVELY MOLLY

For me, this was one of the most affecting films of the year in any genre. MOLLY deftly balanced real scares with genuine pathos as we followed beautiful, fragile Molly on her downward spiral into the abyss. What took here there is left in the eyes and minds of the beholder...Drug psychosis or post-truamatic stress? Or is it something otherworldly that tears her apart...a deeply personal haunting or even demonic possession? The films plays like a particularly disturbing puzzle to be solved, yet never feels anything less than honest and heartfelt in its approach. Not in least due to its leads performance, which for my money is one of the best, in any genre, of 2012, and should see her become a huge star.

THE INNKEEPERS

Ti Wests slow-build tale of a ghostly-inn and its two lovable employees-cum-ghosthunters, is one of the most atmospheric works of the year. A gentle build from the playful flirtation of its characters, (with both the paranormal and each other), to outright terror...THE INNKEEPERS is a masterclass in class. The location is stunning, the performances are adorable, and the horror, when it comes, is highly effective. A sad and spooky tale of curiousity and what it does to the cat....

THE CORRIDOR

The smartest film of the year, and one of the true indie gems of the decade so far; THE CORRIDOR blends philisophy, a keen insight into the psyche of the modern male, and a real sense of dread to create a 'Backwoods Horror', that bodyswerves all the cliches and gives us a rich, forboding look into the effects that society can have on our minds and on our souls. A masterpiece, and reason alone to celebrate indie horror. and speaking of genre-defying movies set in the woods....

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

Alongside TRICK 'R' TREAT, and Zack Snyder's DAWN OF THE DEAD, this is probably soon to be my most watched horror film of the last two decades. CABIN is a wet-dream for genre fans. A blood-soaked roller-coaster that pays homage and love to the genre, while dissecting both the creators and the audiences that horror attracts. Its hilarious, exciting, very smart, and has the finest last act in...hell...perhaps ever. An instant classic and a true showstopper. Also, it has a fucking Merman...

PARANORMAN

A family-friendly horror film that will delight all ages. It respects the kids enough to treat them with an admirable lack of kid-gloves, and it revels in its horror movie roots; giving its mature audience much to smile about. Not to mention, its eyeball-shaggingly beautiful to behold. You can forget about your AVATAR and its CG brethren...nothing can compare to the love and care that pours from every image in this pocket-masterpiece. Oh, and its funny as fuck, nomatter what your age.

EXCISION

If ever proof were needed that art could be both repulsive and attractive in equal measure, EXCISION should provide all the evidence ever required. This blackly comic tale of a deeply disturbed high-school outcast going to any lengths to gain familial and social acceptance is a true showstopper. It boasts one of the years strongest and most fearless performances in its lead, and deftly combines a chilling and sad character study with ball-to-the-wall horror, as we delve deep into the fractured, perverted psyche of a sociopath. One of the most impressive films of recent years, and a true outcast in its own right.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

INBRED

Completed in 2011 but released in 2012, INBRED can be best described as the UK soap-opera, Emmerdale, on really fucking bad acid...Thats perhaps the best way to describe this morally bankrupt, racially and ethically treacherous ride into hillbilly cannibalism. There are simply no redeeming qualities here. Its disgusting, cruel, xenophobic and completely lacking in any sense of moral responsibility. In other words, its the perfect 'boys-night-in flick' to gain some beer-pounds to. If I could only somehow replace this on tevo with my dear old mums soap-opera marathon. 'EEE BY GOOM', indeed...

DREDD

Horror? No, but it has more enough bloodshed and mayhem to find a place on this list, (not to mention that its diick-munching, man-skinning junkie-bitch protagonist is just about as terrifying as villains come). Plot and character development? You can fucking forget it. This is old-school, vicious action-packed madness with a heart thats just as empty as its lead character's. From its beautiful psychedelic 'slow-mo' eviscerations to its straight-forward and unflinching ultra-violence and perfectly judged industrial soundtrack, DREDD is the definition of hard-boiled, no-bullshit rock'n'roll lunacy.

SINISTER

A strong plot goes a long way. It also goes a long way to lessening the sting of a films flaws. By turns derivative and refreshingly original; this tale of self-obsession and its harrowing consequences is part drama, part hollywood 'boo-scare', part serial killer mystery and part psychological horror. Its flawed, but its a very well-woven tale and if you let it, it has the power to deeply unnerve, (despite the obvious jump-scares that occasionally lower the tone). It has a truly creepy villain, and some of the most disturbing imagery you'll see in horror this year. As admired for its genuine scares and bleak nature as it is berated for its periodic predictability, SINISTER remains a gratifyingly mature descent into darkness.

So there you have it. I wish I'd gotten to see the ones I mentioned and a few more that have peaked my interest, but them's the breaks, folks. Let me know how your year in horror has been, and feel free to disagree at length.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE HORROR HOTEL!

Review : The Walking Dead Season 3 - Episode 6 - Hounded

(BEWARE, HERE BE SPOILERS....There will only be spoilers regarding the episode. This review is based solely on the show. Hope you enjoy - Kyle )

After five blistering episodes on the trot that dealt with internal and external rot, both of characters and of civil and moral direction, we finally arrive at the crossroads. This episode is may admirably juggle a whole slew of plotlines,(never dropping the ball once), but at the end of the day, its all about the beginnings of convergence.

So far, this season has been pretty damn merciless in putting its characters through an emotional and ethical wringer, and just when we figured we had the chance to come up for some clean air, unpolluted by the dead and the dying, we're thrust right into the story proper.

the characters are all established, the cards are mostly on the table, and the chessboard is set up for some wonderfully contrast and comparison between our two groups. One one side, we have our long-time companions, Rik and gang, and on the other, of course, we have the ever-festering core of the Woodbury apple. Its been a long time coming, not that we noticed, but an unstoppable force is about to encounter and immovable object, and its gonna be great.

We're not there yet, though.

No, this week is all about setup, and what a setup it is. Any questions regarding the ease of Michonne's departure from Phillips all-American deathtrap is settled immediately, with a tense, satisfyingly violent and even funny sequence which shows that our Katana wielding bad-girl is every bit as at home slicing and dicing the more mobile scum and villainy that pepper the apocalypse as she is the shuffling dead. Her wordless punchline to Merle's cynical comment to his nervous group is a perfect crowd-pleaser moment, and once again, the building if this character takes place not with words, but with actions. Michonne remains something of a mystery, but through her manoeuvres, her smarts and her well-honed killing skills, we're slowly coming to understand who this gal is. By the end of the episode, we've learnt she's not above asking for help, even if she will never say it out loud. Like all of our survivors, from Phillip to Rik, and from Daryl to Merle, theres a human being deep down under the hardened shell, scared to show itself for fear of the pack.

Well, maybe not Merle...

The big guy has been far more reserved this season than in the first, and it's a wise move to go this route. Sure, the racist sonofabitch was on crack or some shit when we met him, and wasn't exactly in a contemplative mood, but to keep the character at that level would have hurt the story being told. For one thing, Phillip would have put the fucker down on sight.

His cruelty and devious nature is still there in full force, though, as displayed by his cold-blooded solution to the 'Michonne' problem. Killing that kid may cover your tracks for now, Merle, but you can bet its gonna come back and bite you in the ass big time when your boss learns of your lie. We still haven't really seen what The Gov in truly capable of, but we have seen you do your thing, and if a supreme badass like yourself is scared of this guy, then frankly, so am I.

Speaking of the Gov, his true nature continues to surprise and confound. He's two parts gentle, intelligent leader and one part rage-fuelled, simmering psychosis, and is so well-versed at hiding his more base nature, that its easy to see how one would follow such a person. More and more, Phillip is calling to mind a perfect storm of cultish appeal and political savvy.

Rik's descent continues this week with a dark night of the soul following Lori's death. The scenes by that ringing phone managed to keep us guessing right until the conclusion. What begins as a dark, frightening look at a man breaking down, ends up becoming a tender passage of redemption. If last week we shed tears of despair in the wake of the most recent losses, this week, mercifully, we shed some tears of happiness. Seeing Rik with his kid is a beautiful moment. we know its going to be short-lived, but in a tale this bleak, these little glimmers of light sure do satisfy.

I mentioned way back at the beginning of this review, that HOUNDED is dealing with convergence, and its in the final scenes that we begin to reach our inevitable destination as Rik and crew's fate draws ever nearer. The groups are beginning to merge, with Glen and Maggie on one side, and Michonne on the other. Whats to come remains anyone's guess, but we can be sure of one thing....there will be blood.

Now that all the pieces are in place, it looks like we're all set for one hell of a showdown. HOUNDED lays the much necessary groundwork for future episodes, while maintaining the chaos, tension, heart and heartache that we all expect from the show.

Daryl finding Carol, and Rik finding himself may tempt us to hope, but the sight of a desperate Michonne standing among walkers at the prison gate heralds the coming of much worse, much more human danger. Hang in there, Glen and Maggie, I think I see your friends coming, riding many miles.

No score required. THE WALKING DEAD abides....

Review : Hellgate (2011)

 

Director:

John Penney

Writer:

John Penney

Stars:

Liz Burnette, Cary Elwes and John Henbest

This is a real shame..

I only learned about HELLGATE two days prior to its VOD release and I know they say you should never judge a book by it's cover;but that's exactly what I did with this one. Not just its cover, mind you, but its title. I'm a sucker for all things hellbound, and the artwork led me to believe that this would be the sort of film that comes along all to rarely, a hell-set horror with some real bite. Once again...I'm let down by my none-to-unrealistic expectations.

I've never understood why it seems so difficult to portray a valid hellscape onscreen. Its been portrayed with amazing vision and detail in many ways by many writers, (perhaps the most visionary being that of Edward Lee in his INFERNAL series(. There have been a few cinematic exceptions, of course...HELLRAISER and its sequel spring immediatly to mind, but for every film that proffers us a glimpse of Satan's crib, there's ten that promise so much but never bring the goods. Look at the otherwise excellent THE NINTH GATE. I waited two hours to catch a peek at the goods and all I got was bright light. How about DRAG ME TO HELL, which teased us with demonic imagery but never let us see the actual 'dragging' per-se, (and no...three seconds of bad CG doesn't count). Even CONSTANTINE, which portrays a very christian hellscape, only spends a few minutes there. Its not fair, man. I want me some hell to chew on.

HELLGATE doesnt even bother trying to depict any kind of hell at all, although on viewing, it becomes clear that there's no real reason to. The title is very misleading, you see, (it was originally titled SHADOWS, which while pretty poor, is far more accurate). Nope, HELLGATE is, for two thirds of its plat-time, a run-of-the-mill ghost story told, sadly, with little-to-no panache, creative zeal or verve. Its not a terrible film by any means...it's just so devoid of any real creative energy.

The plot revolves around some fella (Cary Elwes) who barely survives a terrible car crash in which his kid and his sexy Taiwanese wife are killed to bits. As he undergoes his recovery, (with help from an equally hot Taiwanese nurse...I really need to visit this place), he begins to experience visions...from beyond the grave!!! Stop me if you've heard this before. The premise here is mildly spiced up by adding some ritualistic silliness (by way of a severely slumming William Hurt), that may or may not have a basis in the regions traditional spiritualism, and the final thirty minutes does pick up visually and creatively, but its not enough to elevate this story from the mire. Its just too familiar, guys. Sorry.

I wont lie, Im a very easy scare when its comes to ghosts, apparitions and the paranormal, but HELLGATE couldn't muster one chill from me. For any genre fan, every scare will be old-hat, and every annoying jump-scare will be telegraphed way ahead of time, (seemingly on purpose by use of a grating, droning sound). The characters are very flat, the script is bare bones, and we never care one iota for the fates of these guys and girls. Elwes is a horror staple thanks to the SAW series, but he's not an actor with enough gravitas to pull something meaningful out of so little. I like the guy, and I believed him in SAW, but I'm never convinced by his performance here. Hurt fares better simply by being Hurt, but he too has nothing to work with. He convinces with ease, but there's nothing for the audience to hold onto.

Instead of character dynamics and intellect, we get fast-cut jump scares, some loud bangs, and a great deal of that shaky-head thing that JACOBS LADDER done so well, and that every other film has botched ever since. It just doesn't cut it. I really do believe that all involved tried to make a frightening film, but it never grips.

There are a few positives though...the film looks beautiful, (not least in its lead actress), and features some stunning scenery from the locations in and around Bangkok, and the ritualistic nature of certain scenes as the film moves from Bustling Bangkok to its jungle bound finale is mildly diverting, but that's about it, folks.

Theres really not much more to say about HELLGATE. It's really something of a non-entity. It doesn't insult and it may contain a few scares for the younger teen audience, but its a pretty hard work to slog through if your in any way horror-centric. I hate to say it, and I wish all the goodwill in the world to its creators, but I have to admit that it commits the most cardinal sin in the realm of horror...it's boring.

(And if you wanna check out some finer entries in our genre, head over to LOVEFILM, where you can watch movies online, anytime and as often as you wish, just skip this one).
 
3.5 Shaker-makers out of 10 

Review : The Walking Dead - Season 3 Episode 5 - Say the Word

Here be SPOILERS. Watch the episode before reading, guys.

Its five for five from THE WALKING DEAD so far, as the shows third season continues to startle, stun, shock and surprise. SAY THE WORD is yet another winner of the highest calibre.

After our opening scene, which ranks amongst the most disturbing and heartbreaking of the entire series, we're immediately thrust into the now dangerously fractured mind of one Rik Grimes; and the man isn't doing so good...

The episode begins almost as soon as last weeks KILLER WITHIN ended, with Rik suffering from shell shock after the death of his wife. Most startling about this opening scene is that Rik's pained vocalising of last week has rapidly been replaced with dead silence. The man says nothing at all this week as he goes about the business of violently externalising his agony. His one word comes at the very end, (and it's couldn't come at a better time), but his actions speak volumes as he sets off into the prison on a vengeful rampage, essentially mowing down all the walkers he sets eyes on. This is Rik as we've never seen him before...completely, frighteningly fucked up. Whether his insanity is temporary remains to be seen, but whats surely a certainty is that the trust that his group has put in him is going to be severely tested in the future, especially for Glen. Rik's morality and civility is crumbling before our very eyes now. Strangely, while all the fans clamoured for this level of darkness in the show, (and in Rik), is damned depressing to watch the leader of the group disintegrate this way.

Rik's been on a very dark path since way back. It could be argued that his descent began when he chose to step up and pull the trigger on Sofia, but I believe it was with the murder of his best friend that the rot truly started to settle in his bones. I have no doubt that he's still a good man inside, but he's fast losing all that he fought to hold onto...as murder and death become an everyday occurrence, his sense of right and wrong, and the vast grey areas in between, are tearing him apart. Add to this the loss of someone so dear to him, (and one of his only real anchors to hope, despite his recent coldness toward her), and its becoming clear that the once stoic and trusted leader may be becoming the most dangerous thing in the prison. I hope he can pull himself back from the abyss.

Rik's outwardly feral rampage this week is smartly contrasted with the events in Woodbury, as the Gov and his people are preparing for a special night of partying and celebrating their small victories over the encroaching apocalypse. Andrea and Michonne, (who shows some much needed character depth here), are still at loggerheads over just what this community truly represents, and it all comes to a head this week, as Michonne does some amateur investigatory work, and finds herself some zombie-pens, and a pointedly strange journal in the office of the big guy himself. Its all great stuff and once again, David Morrissey is brilliant as The Gov, (especially in the moments when he wrongly suspects Michonne knows of his daughter), but the real meat is this episode is an intellectual one, as the lines are being surprisingly blurred between Rik and the man who will surely become his nemesis.

Both men have many striking similarities...they are both family men, who have both lost too much to bare. They both appear willing to do anything to keep their families, (and their people) alive, including the killing of practically anyone who may, (and the key word is 'may', here), be a threat. Both men are driven by demons that seem too powerful to defeat, and both are born leaders.

The differences are as sublime as the parallels...Rik wears his emotions on his sleeve for all the world to see. The Gov hides it behind a winning smile and a charming demeanour. Rik struggles to continue to do what he believes is the right thing, (even though it most likely caused the death of his wife), whereas The Gov has accepted the moral decay that this new world demands, and is using his rage to conquer at any cost. Both men have a deep desire to look after their people, but they're motivations and methods appear to be eons apart.

The real crux of these characters and their dynamics is that neither man is entirely good, or entirely bad. The Gov may simply just be a little father down the line than Rik. After all, we know whats become of his firstborn...

SAY THE WORD throws up some pretty unexpected questions for the viewer...not least of which being, 'Who would I rather stand with? Rik or Phillip?'

Its a question I never expected to be asking myself, and as yet I'm unsure of the answer. I cant blame The Governor's reaction to his beloved daughter's condition at all. His 'entertainment' this week was initially pretty shocking, but his justification of it rang very true to me. If I had lost my loved ones to the undead, I would want my blood-lust, and my fear, to be satiated. The manner in which The Gov calculates his mastery of the walkers/biters is no more brutal that Rik's axe-swinging carnage. Both are forms of catharsis, both are disgusting, but one of them may actually serve to lift the community from the fear that has paralysed it since the plague began, and that one ain't Rik's.

It's a clear example of a deeply troubled man using his wits and his cunning to overcome the seemingly impossible, and it makes for great leadership. Phillip is clearly a very dangerous individual, and I think we're going to learn just how dangerous very soon. Michonne may have walked free, but for Andrea, it may be too late. There;s much more going on with this charismatic bastard than we're seeing.

If the whole episode is essentially played out as some very exciting and tense food for thought, the final scene is the icing on the cake, and manages to take the show to even more grim depths than before...

As Rik finds a spent casing, and a puddle of his wife's brains, on the floor where she died, he hears moaning and comes across what we quickly realise is a very well-fed zombie. The hair caught in its teeth give away the game....this walker has been feasting on the still warm corpse of his dead wife, and has had quite the bellyful. Rik's actions in these closing moments speak volumes as he not only stares into its dead eyes as he kills it, but he stabs its gut repeatedly. It seems that the Rik who felt sympathy for the first walker he encountered way back in the pilot, is long gone. He's not only seeing these poor creatures as obstacles here...this is deeply personal. Worse still, did anyone else notice the voice that whispers , 'Murder them' just as Rik spots the walker? You may have missed it, but it's there, and if this is Riks inner voice, who is it referring to? The undead, or the people he may hold responsible for his wifes demise. Its very telling that he stabs the zombie is the stomach repeatedly, and the stomach very much resembles a pregnancy. Does he blame the child for Lori's death?

Other scenes in SAY THE WORD point at brief glimmers of light, as we see Darryl step up in Rik's absence. He looks every inch the leader the group needs at this point, and his scenes with the newborn baby are very touching, as is his journey with Maggie through the primary school, where a certain childish decoration opens some old wounds. We still have no word on Carol's whereabouts, though the group believe her dead, and its anyone guess where this thing is going to go next week, but for now, THE WALKING DEAD remains king of the hill.
 
SAY THE WORD may be a less frenetic episode than last weeks heart-stopper, but its every bit as riveting. Makeup legend Nicoterro directs with real flair, and the script is drum-tight. We continue to go from strength to strength in this none-more-bleak epic.  Fight the dead, Fear the living. Indeed....

Oh, and now we finally know what gets Michonne's rocks off. Good play.


You know the score...don't make me write it.