Showing posts with label Torture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Torture. Show all posts

Thursday, 31 January 2013

Review : The Collection (2012)

 

Director:

Stars:

, ,


In this sequel to The Collector, a man who escapes from the vicious grips of the serial killer known as....drum roll..... "The Collector" is blackmailed to rescue an innocent girl from the killer's booby-trapped warehouse.

Hands up who's read FUNLAND by Richard Laymon...

If you have, (and you should have), you'll know that, like most if not all of the late, great Laymon's work; its a shameless, merciless, morally obtuse, violent and essentially pointless exercise is horror literature that serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever other than to scare the dick off of you and entertain you from start to finish. You'll also know that it features an extended finale, taking place in a booby-trapped, blood-spattered fun-house in which our heroes must face deadly obstacle after deadly obstacle in a gore-drenched, desperate mission to simply get the fuck outta there.

Sounds like SAW to the uninitiated, right? Sure, I can see that, (though Laymon came first, fuckers!), but the essential difference is that theres no skewed morality at work, as there is in SAW. No hard choices to be made. No grand twists waiting for the final reveal...nope; just a bunch of hapless bastards running the gauntlet in a maze construed of vicious traps, dead ends, murderous maniacs and yes, spiders.

Now, if you combine those last 100 pages of FUNLAND with ALIENS, (yeah, you heard me right), then you pretty much got your review for THE COLLECTION. Of course, Laymons book is an intelligently written and horrifying masterpiece, and ALIENS is an expertly crafted suspense ride than kick's more ass than Cynthia Rothrock on her bad week, but lets not let that stand in the way of a good comparison, shall we...

Monday, 24 September 2012

Book Review : The Bighead by Edward Lee



Jesus, where to begin with a novel like THE BIGHEAD....

Anyone who's dabbled in the fetid, murky waters of author, 'Edward Lee' will generally know what to expect with this one.The man is not celebrated for his sense of restraint. In fact, of all the modern generation of underground horror writers, Lee is perhaps the most notorious. His deeply alarming imagination and total lack of respect for literary censorship has seen him produce some of the most disgusting and morally reprehensible works of all time; the sort of shit that would give Marquis De Sade a case of the flaccid Williams.

A brief history for the uninitiated...

Lee could be considered part of the second wave of horror that began in earnest with the late, great Richard Laymon and his pals. A form of literary horror that came to be termed, 'Splatterpunk'. In this most infamous of genres, nothing is left to the imagination. Theres an unspoken contract between writer and reader that the work will most probably be upsetting, will definitely be violent in content and graphic in the extreme, and on rare occasions, may leave you questioning your worth as a human being. You may come to regard yourself as something of a pervert for enjoying this stuff.

Without stroking my own chain, I must state that I have read a huge number of the books that have grown from this artistic ideal. Laymon, Keene, Ketchum, Smith, Little and many more have reshaped the way I think of horror fiction. Stephen King and the like seem like kids stuff these days. Literally. Their work feels like a rights of passage before you get to the really fun stuff. I love King, Koontz and chums, but I prefer a harder kind of horror.

Edward Lee is as hard as it gets. He's a man gifted with a rare sense of the grotesque, yet one bolstered by a vision that is often grandiose and epic in scope. In CITY INFERNAL and its sequels, he envisioned hell as a city; too vast to truly comprehend and filled with terrors and tortures that make the christian hell look like Disneyland. Also of note, he's a man with an undying love for the works of H.P.Lovecraft, and like many of his peers, he often dives headfirst into the mythos created by the great man, while taking it further...much, much further. These are fine tools to have in your armory if your heading out into the world as a horror author. Lee sits at the top of the pile.

I've read a great deal of his work, and going into THE BIGHEAD I thought I knew what to expect. But with this charming little tome, the man goes above and beyond anything I've ever come across in the genre, by far. THE BIGHEAD is the single most demented, disgusting and unforgivable piece of exploitation fiction to ever break free unrestrained from the human psyche. Suffice to say, I loved it.

It's the only novel I can recall with which I've stated to myself, that,  'I ain't reading one more page of this sickening filth!', only to throw the book down, stare at it in disgust for a few minutes, then pick the fucker back up and start reading again. When a piece of art can disgust and attract me simultaneously to its dark dementia, I have to hold it in respect.

I wont give away any of the countless scenes of unthinkable perversions in this book, but I will say that it is guaranteed to shock even the most hardened reader. Its balls are huge, the attention to detail is sick-bag-on-standby stuff, and the relentlessness of the darkness that pervades the tale is exhausting, but its just so damn well written that you cant let it go.

Herein ye shall find a giant mutated hillbilly/monster, (who's sexual and culinary habits are unspeakable even in this here Hotel), a pair of demonic Nun's sent from the pits of hell to habitually torture and rape, a helpless priest in the most vile ways ever written, a sex-addict who can't get enough junk in her trunk, two moonshine trading serial killers who know no limits, a self mutilator who goes to ridiculous extremes, and behind and surrounding it all, a dark, demonic mystery as to who the 'Bighead' is, and  how this disparate group of fuck-ups, psycho's and devils all relate. Its sheer brilliance.

The gore, of course, is often almost unbearable, and takes up a huge chunk of the narrative, but its all for a purpose which will not become clear lest the reader mans up and trudges along till the climax. Hell, Its not like the journey ain't fun. Its so sick and twisted that its often laugh out loud. Hopefully, your not taking this stuff too seriously. The explicit violence is smartly balanced with a sly, degenerate wit that manages to make the whole thing not only bearable, but hugely enjoyable. There are so many twists and turns here, in what seems to be a simple tale, that your left in no doubt by the novels heartless, darkly humorous finale, that what you just suffered through was a work of unmitigated genius. Were this nothing other than extreme gore and violence, it would simply lay claim to the most disgusting horror book ever written. A sort of 'Snuff Novel', if you will. But with Lee's precision storytelling, a deeply involving mystery, and some fascinating and perfectly realized characters, the whole thing becomes nothing less than a classic of its time.

Most wont be able to handle Edward Lee's THE BIGHEAD. Its his most repulsive work, after all, and that's no small feat considering the mans other tales. Though in many ways, its his most accomplished work also, and boasts his most memorable characters, and scenes, (oh, how I wish those scenes were less fucking memorable).

Those of you who take up the gauntlet and manage to read the damn thing will most likely feel ashamed of yourselves for doing so. Questions will arise in your soul as to what the fuck you were thinking. You may have to make some form of atonement for enjoying such a perverted work of the devil. You may pray for salvation for your rotten eternal spirit.

But when all is said and done, and you somehow convince yourself once again that your a good and moral person, the chances are you'll find yourself looking up at your bookshelf, seeing that damn disgusting book sat atop your pile, and without knowing, a smile will bloom on your face. You made it out in one piece.

Perhaps you'll make it out just fine the second time, too...

10 CRACKHEAD BLOWJOBS out of 10

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Review : The Cabin in the Woods (2011)


Director:

Drew Goddard

Stars:

Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth and Anna Hutchison

Five college buddies head out to a remote cabin for a weekend of beer, weed, sex and general grooviness, but soon after arriving, they find that, well, I'm not telling....

This will probably be a very short review, folks, and for good reason. If like myself, your a wise and experienced soul, you'll know to avoid all trailers, spoilers and amatuer reviews of this little ditty, (and horror in general, as it happens). Its a film that simply sings if you know nothing about it going in. Hell, it sings anyway, loudly and beautifully. The impact is far greater though, if your out of the loop entirely.

Its no secret by now that what seems like a template horror scenario is turned upside down, spun around, shot full with head-fuckery and let loose on the populace, but boy, does the film impress, hyped or not. This is what horror cinema is all about people. Its a perfect example of why the genre inspires so much love in its audience. Its creativity is boundless, its execution is perfect in every single way, and its just about the most fun I've ever had watching a horror movie in my life.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Review : The Divide (2011)


Director:

Xavier Gens

A strong opening is a tradition in horror. It sets the tone, get the audience's hearts pumping, and should give a good taste of what lies ahead. Xavier Gans' punishing end-of-the-world shocker,THE DIVIDE, has a very strong opening.

Our first stark images show the total destruction of New York, as the nukes finally fall and civilization as we know it bites the radioactive dust. We only catch a fleeting glimpse of the destruction taking place before we're thrust right along with our characters into the only damn place that may be in any way safe...the basement of their apartment building. It's either a dark dead-end, or immediate melting of the face, and the face melting may turn out to be a better option. The doors are shut and sealed with tape to keep the transparent radiation outside, (good luck with that), and our small band of shell-shocked everyday New Yorkers are left alone, literally, at a dead-end. As we all know, if you put a group of relatively civilized folk in a claustrophobic, end-times scenario with little food and water, and practically no hope for survival, the wild things will roar. Human decency becomes cheap, power becomes survival, sanity crumbles, and 'Gods chosen species' revert back to their true, base form. Let the good times roll....

Friday, 23 March 2012

Review : Undocumented (2010)



Director:

Chris Peckover

UNDOCUMENTED tell the pitch black tale of a group of American student film-makers who travel to Mexico in order to produce a documentary that details the plight of illegal immigrants, including a fly-on-the-wall look at the actual border crossing itself. As the group of students and a busload of Mexicans make their way into the Us, however, they are captured and detained by a militant extremist group from America, who have taken it upon themselves to rid the country of the 'scourge of immigration'. When they learn that six of the captives are American, and making a documentary, the decide that the kids will document their story, and deliver their message to the world, or suffer the consequences.

First time Writer/Director, Chris Peckover has crafted a debut film that really does impress. It seems to have gotten lost among the myriad torture porn bullshit that the genre has been flooded in, in recent years, but it's much more than just another HOSTEL rip-off. Actually, its far, far better than HOSTEL could ever hope to be, and has a great deal more intelligence and darkness to boot.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Review : Rage (2010)


A thirty something man who lives in a suburb just outside of Portland says goodbye to his beautiful and loving wife and heads into town. There he unintentionally provokes the wrath of a mysterious motorcyclist. The confrontation between the two, sets in motion a day long battle. Beginning in the form of harmless taunts then quickly escalating into something more serious and then into something unimaginable.

Just when you thought it was safe to piss off a biker....

Reviewing a truly independent work can be a tricky business. As a fan, you want to help the artist reach as large an audience as possible, yet as a critic, you have the duty, and the trust of your readership, to tell the whole truth, for good or ill.

For me, I tend to view low budget, indie films within the bounds of their limitations. I look for the good in them, and I give credence where its due. If they don't quite hit the mark, I usually point out the fact that these films were made under the most demanding of circumstances, while being more than ready to note that imagination, and skill, can overcome any hurdle. Many of these small, humble films have to be judged on their own terms, and within their own space. Not so, with Christopher Witherspoon's RAGE. This one needs no such support frame.

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Review : Hostel 3 (2011)

 

Director:

Scott Spiegel

Writers:

Michael D. Weiss, Eli Roth (characters)

While attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas, four friends are enticed by two sexy escorts to join them at a private party way off the Strip. You know the rest, or do you....?

HOSTEL 3 has arrived, and its a DTV movie. The third in a series that looked dead in the water, and made on very limited financing...its must be terrible, right? Wrong.

Its by no means a classic, but HOSTEL 3 is a solid example of the dominance of imagination over finance. This film feels far more expansive than it has any right to, as it's clearly underfunded. It may have the look of a DTV movie, but its has ideas far bigger than that, and Director Scott Spiegal manages to pull them all together admirably.

Friday, 4 November 2011

Review : Territories (2010)

 


Director:

Olivier Abbou

Writers:

Olivier Abbou (screenplay), Thibault Lang Willar (screenplay)

Five friends return home from a marriage in Canada to the United States. Not far from the border, two customs officers stop them to check their identity. When the officers observe that one of the men is of middle-eastern origin, things quickly escalate to the point of no return, and the friends come to learn the full truth about, 'Homeland Security'....

Trust the French to be the only film-makers with big enough cahones to explore the horrifying infringement of rights that happens under the noses of Americans every day.

Right of the bat I'm gonna state that TERRITORIES, is essentially a true story. I wish to god it wasn't, but it is. The characters may be fictional, and the setting of the film may be rather trite in a time when 'lost in the backwoods', flicks are ten a penny. But this films message, and its intent, are entirely based in reality. The anguish onscreen is a very accurate portrayal of what the world knows to be going on in detention camps states-wide. The truly heartbreaking fact is that while there are only the lives of five characters being demolished by the state in this film, the real numbers are off the charts. As you suffer through TERRITORIES, you'll never once be swept off on fancy. Its brutally frank in its depiction of Guantanamo Bay, now closed, (Read : Relocated), and the many other hellish facilities where we lock our 'enemy combatants', without due process, trials or even reason. This is an important film. It's a film that demands you, the viewer, heed its message and take on board your complicity in the events onscreen. TERRITORIES is exactly the sort of movie western audiences need to be subjected to, to help shake off the hypnosis that they've been living under for so long. Viva France, indeed...

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Review : The Loved Ones (2009)



Director:

Writer:

Sean Byrne
After the tragic death of his Father in a crash in which he was driving, Brent has become a shell of his former self. Redemption may come in the form of his patient and loving girlfriend, but Brent has bigger issues to contend with...

Prom Night is approaching, and Brent has caught the eye of a quiet, awkward girl in his class. When he respectfully turns down her invitation to the dance, she devises a plan to make sure she has her perfect Prom Night, and Brent's going to be her date, whether he likes it or not...

I admit it. I honestly thought the much maligned 'Torture Porn' sub genre had ten shades of nothing left to show us. I mean, lets be honest, it wasn't really any damn good in the first place. I quite like a number of the films that truly deserve to fall under the umbrella of 'Torture', but at best, they've been guilty pleasures, and at worst, they've been HOSTEL 2. Pointless, banal, cheap and suffering from a severe case of 'No-Balls'. 

There are plenty of films that can arguably be fit into the sub-genre, which have real merit, meaning and worth. AUDITION, I SAW THE DEVIL, and MARTYRS all immediately spring to mind as films that transcend the label while being perhaps inspired by its possibilities. Now, its a stretch calling these films 'Torture Porn', and its actually pretty derogatory. These films feature prolonged bouts of agonising violence, but that's far from all they have to offer. A movie like HOSTEL 2, or the SAW series, (which I enjoy for what they are), are really little more than titillation for the gore lover that resides in most genre fans. Those films ain't art, no matter what your smoking. MARTYRS on the other hand....

Monday, 6 June 2011

Review :The Woman (2011)

Director:

Lucky McKee

One morning while hunting the woods surrounding his property, a seemingly well to do family man witnesses a wild woman fishing in a river. He instantly decides to take her home and tame her, with the begrudged help of his tightly controlled family...

Straight off the bat, let me just say that I love both Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum. Both men have produced some of horrors most original works of recent years and both have stayed very true to their visions of our world as they re profiles and careers have grown. Lucky wrote and directed one of the most heartbreaking horror films of all time in MAY. And while his later works felt diluted by interfering hands, you could still feel his energy and sense his skewed worldview in THE WOODS and RED, (another work by Ketchum).

Monday, 9 May 2011

Review : Martyrs ( 2008 )


A young woman's quest for revenge on those she believes abducted and tortured her when she was a child leads both herself and her closest friend into an unending nightmare that will take them to the darkest regions of human suffering..

Ive had to wait quite some time to review MARTYRS. Its been on my mind to give my thoughts on this piece for a long time now. Ive viewed it four times since its release, and Ive played it over and over in my mind. Finally after all this time Ive came to understand how I actually feel about the film.

I'll say right off the bat that this is a masterfully made work, with wonderful performances from all involved. Director Pascal Laugier has very rightly been hailed as a master of both cinema and the horror genre. He's created a rare beast with this film. A piece that's beyond genre and that's as beautifully crafted as anything out there. He's very quickly become one of the trailblazers for the French New Wave of horror that's taken the world by its throat and shown us the true nature of fear. He excels here. As the young leads Lucie and Anna, respectively, both Mylene Jampanoi and Morjana Alaouiare are fantastic. Mylenes 'Lucie' is a tragic and fearful figure, desperate and doomed. As a counterpoint, Morjana's 'Anna' is gentle, loving and infinitely compassionate. The relationship between these two opposites is, for much of our tale, the driving force. Lighting and cinematography are just as stark as a film of this calibre requires without being distracting, and the music veers wildly from experimental freakouts, to giallo-esque rock rhythm's, to all out mournful requiems. It all fits. MARTYRS is the whole package. Now, with the rest of the review I'll try and express how it FEELS, because MARTYRS is all about feeling. It goes beyond being simply a film and veers into territories uncharted. Its been compared to HELLRAISER, and to PASSION OF THE CHRIST, among others. None of these films comes close. Neither in terms of horror or in terms of spiritual catharsis.

MARTYRS is the sort of cinematic experience very few will say they enjoy. In fact, its very much the sort of experience, cinematic or otherwise, that most will never wish to go through again. The questions that arise in ones head as they watch this film are reason enough to avoid it in the future, not to mention the images that are burned into your mind or the feelings of despair the film can inspire in even the lightest of souls. This is not a film to be entered into blithely.


MARTYRS is something of a transcendent experience. Its a work of pure art masquerading as a horror film. That it works completely as both an art house study of the human state, AND as a hyper violent and often terrifying horror film, are just two of its many, many wonders. Its a horror film. A story of redemption through suffering. An analysis of religious extremism. A look at the after effects of child abuse. A journey into guilt. It draws the viewer in from frame one and pulls you kicking and screaming into the darkness, and it never stops to see how your holding up, nor does it care.

If your new to this film, be sure to go in blind. The less you know the more powerful and shocking the many twists and turns are. Its cinema as catharsis, and as such, you'll want to be open to its rewards and its sorrows. Be prepared for some very tough scenes. There is serious human degradation here, none of which I'll speak of as each act of violence is as important to the films message as is its overall theme. Like IRREVERSIBLE, there have been outcries of exploitation and gore-nography since its release, but these are merely means by which to attempt to categorise something which cannot and will not fit into any previous cinematic mould. You may love it, you may hate it. You may simply respect it from afar as many I know who have viewed it seem to. Like a wild animal, both beautiful and deadly. One thing I'm absolutely sure you will never do is forget it. MARTYRS tattoos itself onto your soul. Its without doubt one of the most disturbing stories ever put to film, yet somehow, in some inconceivable way, MARTYRS is beautiful. There is hope here. There is love, and in some imperceptible way there is gentleness is even the most extreme scenes of heartbreaking tragedy.

After viewing this stunning work repeatedly, Ive found its lost none of its power. I believe all great art shines a light into our own existence and if we allow it, into our own soul. Yet some art is so fearless, so determined to break us free of our mental bonds and chains, that it changes how we view the world entirely. This is one such work. MARTYRS stays with us. And like that poor wretched woman who haunts our heroine, Lucie, its horrific, heartbreaking, disgusting, tender and quietly beautiful all in one moment.

MARTYRS is a masterpiece.

10 Beautiful Horrors out of 10

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Review : Mothers Day ( 2010 )



During the aftermath of a heist gone wrong, three brothers return to their family home, looking for sanctuary and the care only a mother can provide. What they find is that mother has moved out, and a young couple have moved in, and are partying with their middle class friends in the basement. The brothers aren't happy about this, at all. Someone call Mum.... 

Bad Remakes. Those dreaded destroyers of invention and originality. Our beautiful genre is saturated with them. I cant watch any of the untouched classics anymore without feeling that familiar shiver of fear run up my spine, as I picture my beloved and cherished films being bastardised, one by one. Its not all bad though, there HAVE been a number of remakes through the years that blow away the originals, and many that are so different from their classic counterparts that they successfully hold their own identity.

We all know the great remakes; THE THING, THE BLOB, THE FLY are generally considered to be the leaders of the pack, but in my mind there are a few more remakes that kick the originals square in the nuts. I think of THE HILLS HAVE EYES, LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT and I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE. All films that are arguably better than their predecessors, and at the very least are worthy of the title. In short, the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree with these bad boys.

Monday, 18 April 2011

Review : I Saw the Devil (2010)

"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you"
Friedrich Nietzsche

When a secret service agents wife and unborn child are brutally slain in an act of sickening violence, he begins a campaign of torment upon the man responsible; a serial killer with absolutely no bounds. Yet as he rains down hurt after hurt on the man who destroyed his life, he risks becoming just the thing he seeks to annihilate.

I SAW THE DEVIL is the sixth full length feature film from Korean director, Jee-woon Kim, the man responsible for the critically acclaimed A TALE OF TWO SISTERS. Here he spreads his black wings in seriously impressive fashion. Creating a film that truly lives up to its rather brilliant title. Where as TWO SISTERS was all subtlety and nuance, DEVIL is a firestorm of violence, heartbreak and hopelessness. Its also for my money the most entertaining, exciting and damned near perfect film of the year.


Two things got me interested in this film way back during production. One was the director and the other was one of the two men who carry the film. The endlessly brilliant Min-sik Choi. I was first introduced to Choi in the cult classic OLDBOY, and have loved his work ever since. Hes a guy who pulls no punches in his performances, and his screen presence is formidable. In I SAW THE DEVIL , he reaches new highs, (or lows), in his scathing performance as a morally bankrupt, utterly despicable killer, Kyung-chul. The things this bastard gets up to in this film will sicken you, and yet he remains human. Disgustingly so. He never feels like a movie villain. He simply seems real. This animal could live right around the corner, and his acts are, sadly, very much based in reality. He is the jet black demonic yang to Byung-hun Lee's yin. As Kim-Soo Hyeon, a secret service agent who's looking to the future with hope and joy until his world is brutally torn asunder. Lee's performance is equally impressive. His calm restrained demeanor hides a torrent of hatred and hurt inside him, which he cannot control, nor wants to. His driving force becomes vengeance, and jesus, does he lay it on heavy.

Both wonderful leads are surrounded by a pitch perfect cast who flesh the whole sordid, sickening world out very convincingly. A standout being Gook-hwan Jeon, as Kim-Soo's father in law. His portrayal of parent grieving the loss of his daughter is beautifully played. His relationship with his son in law is strengthened by mutual despair, but he also works within the piece as a counterpoint to Kim-Soo's unending hunger for vengeance. Unlike his son in law, his moral compass remains intact. Where is the point when teh quest for honor becomes one of shame? What is the nature of justice and who has the right to decide on it? Can an act of vengeance ever lead to any real form of redemtion? Its this sort of inherent intelligence that helps I SAW THE DEVIL soar way above the pack. Its a very stark study of grief and loss and its effects on the human psyche and soul, that just happens to be played out in a world full of violence, confusion and injustice.

AND in I SAW THE DEVIL, the violence comes fast and hard. Within a few minutes of the stark, creepy opening credits, you find yourself thrown in at the deep end, and you never get to come up for air for the entire two and a half hour running time. Its like a roller coaster ride through hell. And damn, is it a tough watch. The violence here is very much grounded in reality. Its painful, unflinching and it always comes with a consequence. I was particularly disturbed by the discovery of mutilated boody of Kim-soo's wife. I wont go into detail but its deeply haunting and feels incredibly real. People go through this sort of nightmare all the time in our societies. And seeing it visually realized so authentically really done a number on me. From that point on I found myself screaming for revenge, just as Kim-Soo does. And THAT is fine directing. Your placed in the mindset of our 'hero', and willing him on to make Kyung's life a living hell. Your with him all the way. The director knows that the catharisis wont be complete unless the audience is fully complicit, and has set about creating a fearless work of cinema that never shies away from showing atrocities on both sides. You may find yourself questioning how far YOU would go to reclaim justice for those you love. That the crazy as fuck Kyung seems to relish this battle of wits and human tolerance only serves to deepen the conflict, and enhance the murky waters of its ultimate message.


It should be said though that there is no glamorising of either violence or revenge in I SAW THE DEVIL. Quite the opposite. The main thrust of the message here is the dynamic between good and evil, and how someones goodness can be eroded in the face of the worlds horrors. And the message is very well realised. Its not a gore movie. You'll have seen far more violent films, but like the amazing INSIDE, they rarely FEEL more violent. I wont go into the myriad ways the human body is subjected to torment here, but its the sheer relentless realism of it all that cuts so deep.  The violence is deplorable, but thats the whole point. There is great evil on display here, and its fucking chilling.


Now it may sound as though I SAW THE DEVIL is perhaps too tough to sit through, and this is where I think its true genius lies. Its a hard as hell movie, but when its all over and done and the final devestating image is burned into your mind, you'll be wishing it hadn't ended. Rarely will you see a film that blends stunningly choreographed mixed martial arts fight scenes with gut churning gore, real dramatic weight, thought provoking substance and yes, even some very funny, if extremely dark moments. Its a perfectly realized film and hits every single mark it aims for dead on. The leads are incredible, the script is brilliant, the soundtrack is on point and the direction flawless. The film just flies by.


Jee-woon Kim has proven himself a master of the genre here, and I'll be following all his work very closely from this day onward. For those who can handle this sort of material, its one of the very best you ll ever see. Its a fearless study of unthinkable evil and a tale of justice, revenge and redemption.(or lack thereof),  played out on an epic scale. You literally cant miss this film. I SAW THE DEVIL is a modern masterpiece that dares to explore the darkest reaches of the human soul, and gazing into the abyss has rarely been as hypnotic or riveting.

10 Sliced Tendons out of 10

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Review : Nine Dead ( 2010 )


I had planned to review the incredible, I SAW THE DEVIL, this morning. But after the first two films I reviewed turned out both to be surprisingly brilliant, I thought I'd lower the tone a little.

Last night, nursing a hangover garnered from the weekends shameful exploits , I decided the only cure for my pain would be a horror double bill and some Earl Grey. NINE DEAD was the second of my choices. The first being TUCKER & DALE Vs EVIL, (a gem of a film that I'll review later), and the second being this pile of shite.
Whats to say about NINE DEAD? Well, here's the basic premise and you can make of it what you will. Nine strangers with only the broadest of personality traits and an amazing ability to make any line they utter sound laughable, wake up chained to individual poles in a dimly lit dungeon style crib. Some masked dickhead introduces himself and tells them they have to work out why they re all there, and every ten minutes that passes as they try to work it out, he'll pop in and shoot one of these ass clowns in the head, putting the audience out of the misery of having to witness their high school level performances. He could have just killed them all first time round and saved himself and all of us a good hour and a half that we ain't ever getting back. When on their deathbeds people talk about wishing for only one more hour enjoying this world, Its films like this that pop into their memory and send them hurtling into the ever-after with a sour fucking look on their face.
If the premise sounds familiar, well, that's because it is. You've seen this film a thousand times, and done a thousand times better. Its SAW 101, yet another bottom of the barrel rip off, feeding the modern audiences love of torture based horror and twisty turny mysteries.
The problem here is that there isn't any torture and the twists are telegraphed a mile away, (never mind the fact that by the time anything is revealed, you couldn't give a flying fuck what its all about anyway). This type of film has been plaguing bargain bins the world over since SAW became a massive sleeper hit. Its success and the success of its sequels sealed every true horror fans fate. For every genuinely intelligent and well observed sub genre piece, (I'm thinking EXAM), we get two or three of these shitpiles.
The only saving grace to be found here is in some of the performances being so utterly piss poor they can be pretty funny. The most enjoyable ones being that of a pedophile, (gay amazingly enough) and an Italian guy, who just happens to be a mafia drug smuggler or some shit. No cliches in this film, folks....
You may be surprised to find two familiar faces in here. One who is a fine actor, and one who's Mellisa Joan Hart. You remember her, right? She played a teenage witch on some Disney Channel show about a 100 years ago. How she carried a TV show is anyones guess; shes annoying as hell here, and hasn't even got the 'so bad its fun' factor of our pedo/mafia pals.
The other actor of note is only revealed at the very end, and then promptly gets fucking killed after three lines of dialogue. Good use of your best hand there, guys. LOST fans will recognise him, and wonder what in the sweet fuck hes doing here, just as I did.
Theres nothing I can really say to recommend this film. As DTV flicks go, its too mundane to be truly awful, (and therefore fun), and its so lacking in originality, suspense and, (very important for this sub-genre), gore that theres little here for even the most forgiving indie horror fan. As for me, my head hurts and Ive took up enough of my time revisiting NINE DEATHS. Go hunt down EXAM and avoid this film like the fucking plague.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Review : Hobo with a Shotgun ( 2011 )


When I grow up I wanna be a HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN...

A wandering hobo hops off a train and enters Fuck City, a wretched hive of scum and villainy if ever there was one. Surrounded by violence, rape and corruption, our hobo hero purchases a shotgun, and sets about dispensing his own brand of justice..

Director and co-writer, Jason Eisener is one to watch closely. He knocks it out the park. If your looking for a bat shit crazy, gory as hell, utterly offensive and hilarious exploitation flick, look no further. HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN is the real deal, folks. Its a perfect storm of bad taste, brilliant performances and sheer lunacy that's irresistible to anyone with a taste for grindhouse cinema. From what I gather, it went down a storm at Cannes Film Festival, and its easy to see why. There will be those who find it unconscionable, of course, in fact certain scenes are tailor made to upset and offend the more conservative viewer, but why the hell are you guys watching anyway?! GONE WITH THE WIND may be more to your taste.

Grindhouse is a tough sub-genre to get right. Rodriquez's MACHETE pulled it off with aplomb last year, (Tarantino showed us how to fuck it up royally with DEATH PROOF in the not too distant past), but with HOBO its filthy beauty is taken to a whole new level. Its visionary in its abandon.

In HOBO, the legendary Rutger Hauer, is afforded a long overdue lead role. For genre fans this in itself is all sorts of brilliant. And as the titular pissed off hobo, he's a revelation. You'll care for him, feel his pain and sympathise with his plight. Hes a force for good. A simple man who just ain't taking the worlds shit anymore. His performance alone is reason enough to see this film. So often in the horror genre, especially when dealing with the dirge Hollywood churns out, your left feeling cold by the characters lack of depth, but with Hauer spitting out endlessly quotable dialogue while righteously slaughtering all comers. Your left in awe. How often do you enter an exploitation flick expecting to have tears in your eyes? Never, that's how fucking often! With HOBO you may well shed a few for the big mans plight. Somebody just buy the guy a fucking lawnmower already!
The characters Hauer's hobo trades bullets and blood with are a cavalcade of the weird and wonderful. From over the top 80's disco gangsters, a prostitute with a heart of gold, (and some very fresh death dealing techniques), to best of all, 'The Plague'; two armor clad hired assassins who pretty much defy description. The larger than life characters act as a perfect balance to Hauer's totally convincing lead. A film this excessive could easily spin wildly out of control, but thanks to Eisener savvy direction and Hauer's utter devotion to his heroic hobo, it never happens.Together they keep the whole wild trip just as grounded as this sort of film needs to be.

What you have here is a near perfect marriage of great writing, searing acting and brilliant directing. And HOBO looks incredible. Bordering at times on psychedelic. Its world is a neon lit hellscape where nothing is sacred and life is cheap, and it oozes sleaze. And yet there's moments of real heart. A simple written note left by the bedside speaks of real warmth.
As to the writing, its effortlessly funny and cool with it. Razor sharp, filthy and often poignant. Look to the scene where 'The Hobo' stands over all the newborn infants in a maternity ward, and waxes lyrical about what life will have in store for them. It'll raise the hairs on the back of your neck. Its instantly iconic and damn near poetic.

I could rant on for hours about the brilliant cinematography, totally authentic pulse pounding soundtrack, awesome levels of gore and depravity on display, and how hilarious the whole thing is, but I'm not going to. You know why? Because its a film with Rutger Hauer playing a hobo with a shotgun. And that's really all you need to know....

9.5 Hungover Hobo's out of 10