Review : The Conjuring (2013)

Well hello again! 

The Horror Hotel is re-open for business. 

The perils of a new job, a new lifestyle, and taking a kicking from an 'as-yet-unspecified' illness, have led me to distance myself from the world of horror for a spell. I've been reading horror literature like a beast, (take a bow, Bryan Smith),  but I haven't really been grooving on the genres cinematic output. Too much going on, as it were. A mind unsettled makes for a poor companion in the cinema stalls...

That all changed when, out of the blue, I learned about a new horror film; (a ghost story to be precise), centered around the famous paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren, (they of Amityville notoriety). A movie based on what they personally felt was their most disturbing case, and one kept under wraps until very recently, (and I won't divulge any details here). How could I resist? I love a good paranormal tale, even though by daylight I'm as skeptical and logical about such matters as can be; there's just something inherently terrifying on a primal level about a well-told spook story that never fails to freeze me blood and cut my imagination loose. As a rule, I always watch ghost stories alone, in the dark, with the shadows creeping around my shoulders for maximum effect as, (and all you horror aficionados will agree, I'm sure), it gets very hard to find effectively scary material out there. The more you watch and are exposed to; the less you tend to morph into a squealing little bitch.

Review : Paranorman (2012)

 

Directors:

Chris Butler, Sam Fell

Writer:

Chris Butler

Stars:

Kodi Smit-McPhee, Anna Kendrick and Christopher Mintz-Plasse

A misunderstood boy takes on ghosts, zombies and grown-ups to save his town from a centuries-old curse.

Now, I don't pretend to know a great deal about the intricacies of stop-motion, but I sure as hell know what I like, and I'll take stop-motion over CG any day of the week.

Nothing against CG artists...they do an incredible job, but for this old rodeo rider, there's very few things in the world of cinema that can captivate and charm like a solid, traditional animated tale. I grew up with Ray Harryhausen's cavalcade of creatures, and I still return to those magical films regularly...they never fail to resurrect the monster-mad kid that lives in my time-weathered soul. Its even more impressive to view a full film created in stop motion, and few horror fans will proclaim anything but love for A NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and MAD MONSTER PARTY, and its into this very small, but very much loved family that PARANORMAN belongs.

The most obvious and striking thing here is, of course, the visuals. The world in which the tale takes place is simply beautiful to behold.Its pretty hard to grasp the imagination its creators must possess to give such vivid life to these characters and their environments. Normals town is simply brimming with vibrant, ghoulish life. His world is one that's both delightful on the eye, yet strangely warped. Like all good family horror, PARANORMAN implements all the staples of the genre that we often subconsciously love; from ghouls and ghosts, to Ghost-House-luminescent green lighting, fog and gnarled forestry. Its a world peppered with genre in-jokes and a shamelessly geeky understanding of genre cinema. All is shot with an autumnal palette that really gives the film that 'Halloween' flavor.

In short...its a horror fans wet dream, and is sure to elicit gasps of joy from audiences of all ages as we travel deeper into this truly authentic and engrossing world. This ole' geek has no words to describe the admiration I feel for the artists, which makes it all the more saddening that there are so few of these old school movies released these days. If nothing else grabs you in this film, the stop-motion universe sure will suck you into its majesty, and you'll willingly succumb. In recent memory, only TRICK 'R' TREAT has so perfectly encapsulated what makes horror so beloved.

Now, onto the story..

PARANORMAN comes across like a twisted, Gothic fairy tale that melds retro cinema magic with a more cynical, modern bite. In the character of Norman, many horror fans will find real kinship. His bedroom is garbed with all manner of horror memorabilia, and he's something of an outcast in his school life and at home due to his love for all things macabre...who does that remind you of? He even has the HALLOWEEN them as his ringtone.

Okay, so most of us don't communicate with ghosts on a daily basis, but we can all relate to a slightly quirky kid who's tastes flow more easily to the dark side of life. Hes a great lead character, and a surprisingly deep and layered one for an animated family film. There's real warmth and humanity put into these once inanimate models. Take one look at the actors involved, (see above), and as you would imagine, the voice cast are stellar, with the mighty John Goodman stealing the show even in limited capacity as Norman's estranged, and strange, uncle, (who shares Normans gift of communing with the deceased).

And its funny too, in a quirky, slightly queasy way. The jokes are often tinged with black humor, but often hit the mark as Normans world becomes ever more strange. For example, one early scene features the ghost of a family pet that has been sliced in half...the front half trots around behind the back half to sniff its own ass. Some would say its dark, or even distasteful, but I can see kids being delighted by this stuff. Kids are far less fragile than we think, and the many horror/adult elements that the film boasts should be plain sailing for most children. Haunted woods, spooky green witches and the living dead are all, well...kids stuff. The more adult themes, (which are central to the story) of familial acceptance, persecution, grief and injustice are deftly handled and with a real warmth. Our young ones can take it, at least when portrayed in such a gentle manner as they are here.

Don't get me wrong, the film does contain some freakishly tense moments, (for kids, I mean); I'm just saying that that is no bad thing. We all grew up with this sort of stuff. It shaped who we are. We'd be some unbelievable bastards if we didn't allow our little ones the same pleasures. When I think of horror in my head, I don't think of MARTYRS, or I SAW THE DEVIL. As great as those more adult works of horror are, I think of the glorious Technicolor terrors of the classic Hammer Films, or the fog-enshrouded forests of THE WOLFMAN. Childhood is the place where our love of the macabre takes root, and PARANORMAN fits perfectly into that mold. The constantly eerie visuals...the dark humor...the genuine love for horror past and present...the heartfelt message behind the tale...all these things conspire to make this a dead-cert future Halloween classic.

My daughter has only been on this planet for just over a year, and when watching PARANORMAN, only two things kept crossing my mind...1/ This is fucking awesome, and 2/ I can't wait to watch this with my baby girl. You cant really ask for more than that.

The story isn't exactly original, but that's besides the point here. this isn't about originality for all of us. For the kids, sure, but for the adults its all about familiarity and wistful memory. the balance is near perfect. There's also a timely and thoughtful message behind the tale which is easy to grasp for children without being in any way inauthentic. What we got here is a lovely blend of genre excess and emotional subtlety that holds up with the very best family films out there.

PARANORMAN will appeal to all ages. Its charm and wit will win over non-horror fans, and its ghoulish visual pizzazz will have old school fans salivating. Kids will adore and relate to the central character and his offbeat friends,(Mintz-Plasse is particularly hilarious), and the cinephiles will have a confidently crafted, stylishly directed and beautifully scored slice of offbeat cinema to chew on.

If, like myself, you a cineaste, an old school horror fan and a kid, (inside your heart),...well, you just found yourself a new Halloween tradition that just begs to be passed down to the younger generation. PARANORMAN is a fun, bittersweet tale that will captivate and touch audiences of all ages.

9 Witch-Hunters out of 10

Review : Paranormal Lack of Activity 4 (2012)

Authors Note : First of all, lemme just say HAPPY HALLOWEEN to everyone!

Sorry it's so belated, but my Internet was down for an extended period of time, and unfortunately, it happened just as our fave time of year came calling. So be it, gotta take the rough with the smooth, man. I did manage to watch a ridiculous amount of Horror during the season, as is my duty and my passion, and have a tidy little backlog of films to set about reviewing, (including, of course, THE WALKING DEAD S3E3). Bear with me folks. Now, onto the first of this months reviews....

Oh, and this review/rant will feature some spoilers, as its impossible to detail the films myriad flaws without exploring some of the plots more ridiculous twists. I'll keep the spoilers to a minimum, guys, although there's really nothing to spoil.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4, should you not already be aware of this, is a full-tilt  disaster. I'll just throw that out there right off the bat for anyone who may be about to make the dire mistake of paying to see this nonsense. I'll give my reasons why its such a mess in due time, but in the slim chance your glancing at this review just as your putting on your jacket and heading for the door; mark my words.....do NOT pay to see this thing.

Buy something nice for your better half. Buy some Scotch and drink yourself good-looking. Hell, give your money to that homeless fella with the winning smile outside your local cornershop. I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself for doing it, and he deserves it a fuck-sight more than the makers of this franchise killer, even if he is sniffing bath-salts.

Speaking of the franchise; I'm a fan, by the way...

Review : V-H-S (2012)

 

Directors:

Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, David Bruckner, 

Writers:

Glenn McQuaid, David Bruckner, 

Stars:

Calvin Reeder, Lane Hughes and Adam Wingard

Now here's a fresh idea...

Get together some well known names in independent cinema/horror cinema together and set em to work on a horror anthology. Not just any horror anthology, but a found footage horror anthology. How bout them apples?

This premise has understandably got a lot of horror fans excited. Its trying something new, and the wealth of talent on display has to point to good things abounding. Not to mention VHS is getting great reviews from tit to top-hat, as all and sundry praise it as a 'gem', and one of the years best. I wasn't buying the hype then, and I'm not buying it now.

I'm in the minority, but I often feel that anthologies don't quite work as a whole, (other than the mighty TRICK 'R' TREAT and CREEPSHOW). While they can be fun, they feel more like fast food than a hearty meal, and almost always lack depth, character and balance. Not to mention your practically gaurenteed at least one weak-sauce short story in there. Its a given. So, you can see why my excitement levels were running pretty low for this one.

Review : The Awakening (2011)

 

Director:

Nick Murphy

Writers:

Stephen Volk, Nick Murphy

Stars:

Rebecca Hall, Dominic West and Imelda Staunton

1921 England is overwhelmed by the loss and grief of World War I. Hoax exposer Florence Cathcart visits a boarding school to explain sightings of a child ghost. Everything she knew in unravels as the 'missing' begin to show themselves. 

From the opening moments, Nick Murphy's THE AWAKENING sets its stall as a refreshingly old school, ghost story; the likes of which we rarely see anymore. It has that quintessential M.R James feel that only comes from the shores of the UK, and even then, rarely works as effectively as it does here. While billed as a horror film, THE AWAKENING really doesn't feel like one. Supernatural? Yes. Period drama with Gothic overtones? Definitely. Theres little here by way of genuine fear, though. This is as gentle and subtle, (for the most part) as our genre gets, and that's no bad thing here.

The film evokes fond memories of classic Hammer Productions, with its lavish sets and gentile English manner. Its charming from the very first moments, and boasts some beautifully atmospheric music to help set the somewhat sombre tone that carries the film through. We open on a seance taking place in turn of the century London, and boy does it look the part. In fact, the scene is effectively frightening up until the reveal, where it cleverly and quickly turns it gaze onto our central character. What we have here is a study of grief, loss and guilt, masquerading as a horror story. And it works.

Review : The Woman in Black (2012)

Director:

James Watkins

Writers:

Susan Hill (novel), Jane Goldman (screenplay)

Stars:

Daniel Radcliffe, Janet McTeer and Ciarán Hinds

A young lawyer travels to a remote village where he discovers the vengeful ghost of a scorned woman is terrorizing the locals.

Walking into this, the second screen adaptation of Susan Hill's wonderful THE WOMAN IN BLACK, I was a roiling cocktail of mixed emotions. I love the 1989 TV version with a passion. I believe it to be one of the most chilling and effective ghost stories ever put to screen, and have rarely seen its equal, on the small screen or the large. So I was understandably worried about the very real threat of a big budget remake. Experience has taught me that when it comes to classic ghost stories, big budgets and subtlety rarely compliment each other.

On the other hand, this is the fourth release from the newly re-birthed Hammer Studios, and anyone who reads my incessant ramblings will know that I have a lifelong, and unquenchable love for Hammer. That film studio is the image and the soundtrack to my childhood nightmares, and has become a comfort to the older, slightly doddering version that stands before you now. Hammers early Horror output is much like a group of family members who's memory I just cant let go of. Nor do I want to.

So far, the re-emergence of Hammer has produced a mixed bag of goodies. Their first release, WAKE WOOD, inspired me to write my first ever review, (you can read the review here), and to build this here Horror Hotel, as it now exists, . WAKE WOOD was a refreshingly old school tale that managed in many ways to capture a number of staples of the Hammer classics, and bring them into a modern environ. It was a fine start, though it was still some distance from the lush grandeur of HORROR OF DRACULA, THE GORGON, CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN et all...

Horror Hotel Cinema : Valentines Midnight Show - Shutter (2004)

It's Valentines Day. And what better gift for Hotel Management to give you lovebirds, than some old-school, ghostly goings on, that'll have you holding each other close in the small hours of the night? For tonight's midnight show, we would like to introduce, or at least re-acquaint you, with the pant-soilingly scary, and altogether excellent SHUTTER.

Before you start sending the hate mail, and hand your ticket, (and lube) back, let me take a moment to assure you that you are NOT about to suffer through some poorly scripted, terribly acted, artless, gormless and utterly shallow piece of celluloid trash that couldn't scare a fucking cat on acid. No....this is the original SHUTTER. You know, the good one, the one with potent themes of Karma, guilt and retribution? Yeah, that one. Not the bastardised-beyond-all-Thunderdome remake that burned eyes and minds in the states a few years later, and forever tarnished the originals legacy.

Review : The Innkeepers (2011)

Director:

Ti West

Writer:

Ti West

Stars:

Sara Paxton, Pat Healy and Kelly McGillis

During the final days at the Yankee Pedlar Inn, two employees determined to reveal the hotel's haunted past begin to experience disturbing events as old guests check in for a stay. 

I had seriously high expectations going into Ti West's latest spook-show, and who could blame me? The last time this guy had full control of a production, he created one of the decades creepiest, most atmospheric movies, in HOUSE OF THE DEVIL. Its practically languid pace may not have appealed to every Horror fan, but for an old school guy like yours truly, it was just what the Mad Doctor ordered. West instantly became a Director who's work I had to see. I fell over myself to catch CABIN FEVER 2, and while I believe he disowned the film, (after much studio-fuckery), you can still feel his capable hands all over it. I enjoyed it quite a bit, and can only imagine what would or could have been, had the studio heads done the seemingly impossible (for some of them), and allowed an artist to create art.

Word had it that with THE INNKEEPERS, West was once again in full control of his raising his baby. And given that the plot involves a couple of would-be paranormal investigators spending a few nights in a haunted hotel. I was all over this thing. The one-sheet, as you can see above, was also a factor in my months long salivation problem. For my money, this was the must-see Horror of the year.

The Horror Hotel Cinema : The Woman in Black (Original Broadcast 1989)

Welcome back to the Horror Hotel Cinema, folks!

I had a really sweet B-movie from the 50's picked out for this week's show, but after writing an article here on the upcoming WOMAN IN BLACK adaptation by Hammer Studios, I thought the time was right to take a look back at the original TV Movie which aired one chilly Christmas eve here in Britain, and scared the whole damn country half to death. For those of you who have seen the film, join us and relive one of the most genuinely chilling ghost stories ever told. For those of you who haven't seen the first film, or read the book; sit back, turn all the lights off and let yourself believe. Your in for a real treat.

Review : Insidious (2011)

 

Director:

James Wan

Writer:

Leigh Whannell

Stars:

Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne and Ty Simpkins

in·sid·i·ous/inˈsidēəs/Adjective

1. Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects.

2. Treacherous; crafty.

I arrived at the party pretty late on this one. I'd noticed a lot of buzz in the horror community about this film before its release, and a great deal of hype from its many admirers afterwards. Somehow, through all this I managed to stay in the dark as to what the films plot was. I knew it was directed by James Wang, who's SAW and DEATH SENTENCE I had enjoyed, and who's film, DEAD SILENCE, I absolutely adore. I was very keen to lay my eyes on this puppy. I just never found the right opportunity.

Review : Forget Me Not (2009)

 Director:

Tyler Oliver

Writers:

Tyler Oliver, Jamieson Stern

Stars:

Carly Schroeder, Cody Linley and Brie Gabrielle

It's graduation weekend, and Sandy Channing, the popular class president of her small-town high school, should be enjoying the time of her life. But when her friends start disappearing, Sandy discovers they have unwittingly awakened the vengeful spirit of a girl they wronged long ago. Fighting for her sanity, Sandy must unlock a dark secret from her own past before it's too late.

American teen horror. Anyone who knows me knows that it takes a lot to get me sitting in front of one of these damn films. Theres something inherently infuriating about watching a bunch of chiseled ass clowns taking drugs that never seem to get them high, and laying plastic broads who couldn't tell there asshole from their elbow. These films point, for me, to the shallowness inherent in the upcoming generation. Now, this may be me heading into 'miserable old bastard' territory, as I LOVE many of the teen slashers of old. The 70's and 80's produced a multitude of gems that are hard to overlook.